Life Without Fear
by 99bottlestogo
Summary: It has been a long seven years for Jamie Pendragon, and the war is finally over. Good has triumphed over evil, and her family is all back together. Why is it though, that everything is so hard now? She's back with stability that her girlfriend Ariana provides for her, but things aren't back to normal. How exactly does one live after surviving a war that has left scars?
1. Life Goes On

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is J.K. Rowling's. Except Jamie, Luka, and Ariana.

A/N: It's good to be back. :)

* * *

Life Without Fear

Part of me never thought that we would get this far. Come out of this on the other side, free of fear, pain, and suffering. We did though— we made it to the other side, and all there is left to do now is live… my problem is, do we know how to live without some big bad looking over our shoulder? For our sakes I hope we do— I hope this feeling of life now being but a play goes away. Hopefully… I can stay grounded in the present.

Chapter 1- Life Goes On

"I'm still shocked at how fast they rebuilt the castle. The structural damage alone would have taken weeks in my estimate." Hermione says fiddling with a hairbrush on the table in front of the mirror.

"Don't tell me being away for a year made you forget everything Hermione. We're witches— we have magic. Anything is possible." Ginny says with a humph lying back on Ariana's bed like she owned the place. I kick her shoe annoyed, that she almost squashed me in her grand landing.

"I wonder if Hogwarts will ever feel the same again." I say closing my eyes. Every time I close my eyes I can see scenes of walls painted red with blood, and pain and agony reverberating down the halls. That is whenever I don't see Malfoy Manor and Augustus. Even though I repeat over and over again that he's dead, sometimes it takes more than saying it to believe it.

"Can we not talk about something as depressing as this when I am about to graduate in a few hours?" Ariana's voice floats out from the bathroom, and I immediately sit up, dying to see what my girlfriend— my beautiful insanely smart girlfriend looks like. She refused to show me what dress she bought for her graduation, to keep me in suspense. It has only been driving me insane since then.

I may not be the most fashionable girl in the world, but I can still tell what looks good on Ariana or not. Let me say there are few things in the world the girl could wear without looking anything less than stunning. I'm not biased or anything…

Ariana steps out of the bathroom and my jaw drops. She literally is going to kill me one of these days. The gray blue dress hugs her curves in all the right places, while still managing to be conservative with a small scoop neck. I am literally dumbstruck at her visage.

"Amazing Ariana." Hermione beams, dropping the brush and giving the girl her undivided attention.

"Like the color." Ginny says with a wriggle of her eyebrows, looking suggestively between Ariana and me.

I finally manage to get some semblance of my brain back in functioning order.

"Beautiful— absolutely beautiful." I manage to get out. Ariana flushes a light red, and I find myself tracking her movements as she moves over to Hermione so that she can do her hair in front of the mirror.

"You're so lucky to be graduating." Hermione breathes out a tinge of jealously in her voice. It was finally discussed and determined with all the teachers last week that the four of us who did not attend Hogwarts for our last year of school would need to come back again this coming year to complete the school curriculum and in fact actually graduate from school. The only one of us who seemed even mildly okay with doing so is Hermione for she seemed almost scandalized at the thought of not going through seven whole years of schooling.

I on the other hand have been agonizing about what to do ever since we were informed of this conclusion. I have never really been one for school. Sure I could do it and get good grades, but I don't think that I could go through a whole other year without the familiarity of the rest of my year mates. There is also the problem of the memory and nightmares of the bloody and demolished castle that invade my brain when I least want them to.

I shake my head and force myself to pay attention to what is going on in the room around me. Ariana is now sitting in front of her mirror running her brush through her hair while chatting with Hermione about what the graduation will actually be like from Hogwarts. Since everything has been thrown off this year to put it lightly, plans about how to proceed have been complicated and strenuous.

The Ministry has been attempting to rebuild, but the process is almost halted in its tracks as every employee and creature has to go through checks and procedures to make sure that they were not corrupted by the dark arts, or a follower of Voldemort. His name is much easier to think nowadays, but people are still afraid to say it aloud. Some of those people are the same ones who watched as Harry dueled and remained the last one standing in the very battle.

Ginny nudges me and I quickly turn my gaze to her, trying to reassure her that I am still here and fine, not good but fine. "You know… today's supposed to be a happy day." She whispers so that the other two don't overhear us. I grit my teeth, upset with myself that I couldn't put on a better façade for the day.

Truth is— I've been struggling. I think we all have been. Hermione throws herself into whatever task she is handed to help out to bring things back to the way they used to be, so that she doesn't have to face everything that's happened. Ron has taken to disappearing from the house under the pretenses of De-Gnoming, but when you go to look for him in the yard, he is not there anymore. Harry— well Harry is hardly around these days.

He's been all over the map not entirely sure where his purpose is anymore. He doesn't have the Dursley's anymore and he only stays at the Burrow long enough to satisfy Mum, that he is indeed safe. I'm fairly certain that he has the tent still and that he is camping out at times when he needs to be alone. Fred and George have all but moved back into the Burrow while Fred recuperates from his injuries.

Even though the pair are laughing and cracking jokes like usual, there's a strain behind the smiles, that not even the pair of jokesters can keep in. Luka has not taken the final battle very well either. He is stuck in the pull between guilt and vindication for ending Augustus. His anger is what sustained him through the battle, but now that it is gone, he is left with the conscious of having ended a man's life.

Mum still glances at the clock that is now safely put back in its place on the wall between the living room and the kitchen. Even though all of our hands say that we are out of mortal peril she still glances there worriedly, as if unsure if she can really believe that it is all over.

Dad seems to be one of the only people who still visibly stressed about rebuilding now. There are still reports coming in across the country of acts of dark magic still being performed even though the war is won, and they have lost.

I'm broken from my inner musings by the warmth of soft hands that envelope mine. I glance up to meet soft and worried brown eyes. Ariana is kneeling down in front of me and I don't hear or see the other two girls. "Are you still with me love?" Ariana asks softly. I can see the worry lines that are crinkling between her eyebrows, and I reach out a slightly shaking hand to smooth them out.

Ariana has been different since the war as well, much more serious and worrisome about things that she can't control— like me.

"'Course." I say managing a small grin, while leaning forward to place a light kiss on her lips, barely brushing them. Ariana's eyes flutter closed for a second, before her gaze is back on me.

"You'll let me know if things get to be too much right? I don't want you pushing yourself again…" Ariana says cupping my cheek in her hand.

I close my eyes against the memory of the funerals that happened for all the people who died in the final battle. There were just so many of them, and so many that I knew. Remus and Tonks shouldn't have ended like that. They had everything to live for, a life, a marriage, and a son. Its cruel beyond words that this is what happened to them.

There was also the small coffin of Colin Creevey who shouldn't have even been in the battle, but was too stubborn about fighting for what he believed in. He shouldn't have died as well. Fred almost ended up like them, I still have nightmares of holding onto his wound, trying to make sure that he doesn't die. On good nights Luka and Ariana make it to us in time— on bad ones… he dies.

At the funeral it got to be too much being on the grounds of Hogwarts, seeing the memorial stone be set in place, remembering the echoes of screams and explosions, and all the blood and dead bodies… I was practically curled up in my chair with my hands over my ears with my eyes tightly closed so that I could try and block out the images.

Ariana and Luka ended up having to pry me away to the stares and searching eyes of others. It definitely wasn't fun emptying the meager contents of my stomach out into the grass by the edge of the lake.

"I'll be okay Ari— I want to see you graduate! I'm so ridiculously proud of you with all that you accomplished and went through while I was away. I-I'm not sure that I could have done that." I say playing with the fingers of her left hand.

Ariana rolls her eyes at me playfully. "Says the girl who broke into and successfully stole from Gringotts, rode a dragon, and also broke in the Ministry. I think that you could have handled it." She tells me rising to her feet, and tugging me up to follow suit. Even though it is summer time I am wearing a nice silver colored dress shirt and black slacks, for I'm still not feeling good enough about what happened to show off my body. I may not have scared much physically but mentally the wounds are still seeping blood steadily.

"We better get meeting up with the others before your mother blows her gasket and sends out a fully armed search party." Ariana chuckles tugging me out of her room and down the steps to the front hall where Hermione and Ginny are talking in quiet voices.

Sometimes I nearly forget that Ginny has been through most of what the rest of us have been. She acts almost like nothing has happened, and I am amazed and more than a little bit jealous that she is able to do so. The biggest thing is that I know that seeing all the death has really affected her, and her worry for Harry is slowly eating away at her.

They might not have really gotten the moment to reconnect, but I know that the feelings are still there they haven't disappeared. It annoys her to high heavens that Ron and Hermione are practically locked at the lip these days. I think that its their way of dealing with all the crap that has been dredged up, but Ginny postulates that all those years of sexual tension has finally come to a boil and they won't simmer down until they've exhausted themselves.

When that may be I have no clue at all. The whispers between Hermione and Ginny stop when we reach the bottom stair and come level with them.

"Ready are we? We don't want to keep Mrs. Weasley waiting, the last time Ron and I were late she nearly threw a spoon at my head!" Hermione says with a slight shudder, remembering exactly how red and explosive my mum actually became.

We make our way out of the house pausing outside so that Ariana can lock it up. Professor McGonagall had already long gone to the school in order to prepare for the graduating class procedure. The four of us walk to the far street corner that I have long since gotten used to Apparating to, Ariana's and my hands entwined.

Once there we keep a look out for muggles as we turn on the spot and think of home, where hopefully we won't be subjected to the whole inquisition on why exactly we didn't arrive at the very second that we claimed to be arriving. The yanking sensation pulls at my bellybutton, and I'm pulled into the pressing darkness.

When we come to a stop I grip Ariana's hand tighter to straighten myself up. Ariana smiles at me before giving my hand a squeeze so that we can follow the other two girls down the path to the burrow. Oddly enough the house looks fairly quiet and calm, which honestly isn't something that it ever is, so I'm more than slightly worried about what is waiting for us inside.

As soon as we step foot into the yard the door bursts open to a very irate and disheveled Mum.

"Where have you been? You said that you would be back fifteen minutes ago! I don't know what was going through your little heads, its still dangerous out there!" Mum cries hurrying down the few steps to confront us in the yard.

"Mum…" I say trying to find something to say.

"Nothing is safe anymore." Ginny says crossly, crossing her arms over her chest. I notice Dad and the rest of the household trickle out behind mum. Dad comes up and lightly rests his hands on Mum's shoulders.

"Molly dear, all that matters is that the girls are safe. Besides, this is supposed to be a happy day, your son is graduating from Hogwarts after all." Dad says, and I watch with a tiny sliver of amusement as she deflates under his words.

"All right, but only because this is such an important day for Luka, and Ariana too." Mum concedes, smiling at Ariana brightly.

"Okay it's settled then! Let's go get these two egg heads their certificates of know-it-all-hood!" Fred says clapping his hands, with a grin on his face. I worriedly look over my brother noticing that he's still paler than I would like him to be, but the happy look on his face, and the mirrored grin by George is enough to settle my worries back down.

"You're just jealous that you never got said paper." Luka says with a smirk passing the two of them while finishing pulling on his traveling cloak on. He is wearing a crisp royal blue dress shirt in honor of his soon to be old house Ravenclaw, and black slacks with shiny black dress shoes.

His glasses have long since gotten repaired after the final battle, and there is still an air of unease about him, even on such a special day.

"Looking good Pendragon." Ariana says with a smile, and I watch as the two of them exchange a look that I have been seeing a lot lately. Despite the smiles on their faces, there is a seriousness to their voices, and some part of me can't help but think that this particular exchange developed under the deplorable conditions that Hogwarts was running under before the war ended.

"Yeah, well you got to watch yourself." Luka replies, and I feel Ariana squeeze my hand, in light reassurance. I turn my attention back to the group at large, and see that Ron and Hermione have finally managed to migrate back towards each other, like a muggle contraption that Harry explained were called magnets.

Fred and George were making gagging noises along with Ginny behind their backs, while Mum and Dad look worriedly around the yard. "Who are we missing? I thought that Bill, Fleur, and Percy were going to meet us at Hogwarts?" I ask, suddenly unsure of the whole situation.

"That boy is going to be the death of me." Mum mutters glancing around the outskirts of the yard from the garden to the shed.

"Harry is supposed to meet up with us here Jamie. He owled last night and said that he would come." Dad explained a flat look on his face. I bite my lower lip, not bothering to respond. Harry has always been like an eighth son to my parents, and his continued rejection of offers of a room and a permanent bed here have been all but rejected multiple times.

Quite honestly, I think that Harry just needs some time alone. The world expected so much from him for so long, that I think he needs some time off. I know that I need some time off, and I wasn't even the one who was the center of the whole prophecy for seven years, if you don't count the year when he was a mere baby.

There's a sudden CRACK in the distance and I'm not quite sure who is faster in hurrying in the general direction of the sound, Mum or Ginny. All that I know is that when the rest of us make our way over to the small cluster of people, is that Harry is getting the life squeezed out of him by my mother through the muffled words of a worried and angry tirade.

I guess that she's forgotten about us being late now. "Come now Molly, we have a school to make it to on time, and don't forget that we'll still have to walk up to the castle since the protections are back in place." Dad says prying her away from Harry and with a swift CRACK, gives her no choice but to follow.

There is a loud succession of CRACKs as everyone starts to Apparate away to Hogsmeade in singles and pairs. Ariana gives me a smile before making sure that my hand is still in hers and we follow with our very own CRACK!

* * *

Hogsmeade has indeed changed a lot since we have last been there. It had gotten significantly damaged in the final battle that took place at Hogwarts. There is still speculation if the giants or the Death Eaters who tore their way through here caused the worst of the damage.

Honeydukes is still trying to be festive and open, but its kind of hard to do so when there is still a majority of the floorboards in the shop that have been blasted open from the bottom out with the secret passages. Zonko's Joke Shop has not reopened their doors since, for the owner is still too scared to come back and step foot so close to where all the actions happened.

The Three Broomsticks is one of the only businesses still running for even though Madam Rosmerta got pretty badly injured in the final battle, she has still made it key that her pub be open to all weary travelers and survivors who need a place to take a moment and try to get away from it all.

It doesn't work all the time, but at least she tries. Surprisingly ever since Aberforth stepped up and started to help fight back at the castle, he has taken a bigger role in trying to help rebuild Hogsmeade and makes a few comments every now and again about how Hogwarts has to get back to what it used to be and what it used to stand for.

There has only been one time since the final battle that Ariana and Aberforth have met. It was at the funeral for all the fallen fighters in the War and the last battle. Aberforth was staring at her for the longest time, and I could tell that Ariana was torn between ignoring the man who cared nothing for her existence for the past seventeen years, or go over and confront him.

The choice was finally gone when after the service was finally concluded and the monument was revealed, he came over, and gruffly cleared his voice before commenting that she looks a lot like his Ariana, only his has darker hair, and that Ariana has brown eyes instead of the Dumbledore blue.

"I got my mum's eyes." Is all that Ariana said, before the man whirled away and stormed back down to Hogsmeade. Part of me feels bad for the man, but the way he makes Ariana feel about herself, is perfectly unacceptable.

The large group makes its way up the still clutter filled main lane of Hogsmeade and up the path to the castle. I can see it is the distance looming as large and brilliant as it always has. My mind threatens to shove memories of the horrors that went on in that very castle into the front of my brain but I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment to make it stop.

I can tell that for a lot of people now, that Hogwarts doesn't feel the same as it once did. Fred and George look almost leery of the castle getting closer and closer. Fred has gone a few shades paler. I'm not sure if I could ever visit the place where I almost died again. Luka has become drawn, and drifts back to Ariana and me so that he can walk with the two of us.

The final battle here meant so much to the three of us. We each did things that we can't take back, Luka killed Augustus, Ariana severely wounded some that resulted in death, and me— well my body count rests heavily on my mind and shoulders with every step that I take.

The images of sliced and stabbed bodies being consumed by the blue flames, that is the Righteous Fury jumping from me to Excalibur to them is a sight that I will never forget. Which is also why Excalibur is back in the ground in our vault where it belongs, and I hope to Merlin that it stays there forever. I can now see why Arthur was so tormented by it, the ability to end one's life whether righteous or not, is a horrible burden.

We finally make it up to the courtyard of the castle, and I almost can't believe that a massive and deadly battle took place here. If it was not for the vivid memories of the body that lay fallen on the ground, and the role that I had in moving them after everything was said and done.

There are a fair amount of people loitering in the courtyard as well. It is mainly the few from the graduating class and what family members that the have to attend with them. There is an uneasy feeling about the whole crowd. My stomach turns when I see a large knot of Slytherin students and what's left of their families hovering in a corner.

"What're they doing here?" Ron all but growls. Ron's temper has been even worse than usual lately. He will go off at the smallest of things, and it takes far longer than usual to cool him down. Hermione is about the only person who can get through to him when he's like that but, even then, she's not successful all the time.

Fred and George instantly glare at the group of Slytherins as well. While the other four houses lost multiple members to the battle, the Slytherins only lost a few. Those bastards didn't stay and fight they ran away and joined their parents on what ended up being the losing side.

"Ignore them. Unfortunately they have to graduate along with everyone else." Hermione says grabbing Ron by the hand, and tugging him to the far side of the courtyard where we see some familiar faces. Neville and his Gran are standing talking with Luna Lovegood and her father Xenophilius who is twitching every few seconds. I guess that he's not doing so well after being freed from Azkeban.

Neville's already present smile grows as soon as he sees the rest of us. "You made it! I can't believe that we're finally getting out of here!" Neville cries pulling Luka and Ariana into a hug, and I suddenly feel very alone and out of place. Judging by the looks on Harry, Ron, and Hermione's faces they feel it too. We should've been graduating this year we should have had normal lives.

You can't get everything you want unfortunately. Mum and Dad strike up a conversation with Neville's gran and the shaky Mr. Lovegood, and the rest of us hover around, not quite sure what to do with ourselves. It isn't long before Bill and Fleur arrive looking a lot happier than everyone else combined. I guess that their new love is still enough to make the world seem like it's not such a bad place to be after all.

Percy arrives a few minutes after breathless and red faced. He mutter some excuse to Mum and Dad about having to pull himself away from a meeting early, and then subsequently had to run up from Hogsmeade to make it in time. There is a few more minutes of awkward standing around before the large heavy doors of the castle swing open to reveal the Entrance Hall, and standing tall and proud (but still looking like she hasn't slept in months) stands Professor McGonagall.

It is still awkward when I run into her at Ariana's house even though I know she is Ariana's grandmother and that it is her house. I guess that it's going to be hard to get the years of feeling like a misbehaving child out of my system when I'm around her.

"Could I have all the students who will be graduating line up over by me please. Parents and guests may make their way to the Great Hall to be seated. The ceremony shall commence shortly!" Professor McGonagall calls out, and a hushed excited murmur spreads through the crowd. I watch as Neville and Luka eagerly push their way to the lengthening line by McGonagall.

I jump slightly when I feel a warm hand slip into mine for a squeeze and a light kiss to my cheek. "Wish me luck?" Ariana breathes, and her breath tickles against my ear.

"Only if I thought you'd need it." I reply and quickly deliver a quick kiss to her lips. Ariana sighs into the kiss before she breaks away with a smile to join the others, and I'm soon scowling by the kissy noises coming from my favorite pair of idiotic brothers.

"Kissy, kissy!" Fred taunts, and I shove him lightly, despite the scowl shot at me from Mum.

She thinks that he's some fragile little teapot now, but I assure you that he is definitely not. He is just milking the situation for all that it is worth, until he is going to no longer be able to do so. That will happen sooner than later if Mum catches him doing half of the things I've seen him doing, when he's supposed barely well enough to get out of bed and walk.

"So, when will we be getting the invitation for the wedding? I don't think we've given her the proper fleecing down as big brothers, yet have we?" George says with a rather mischievous grin on his face.

"Oh, put a sock in it! Nothing like that is going to happen. We're way too young for that and I think that there is enough that Mum wants to kill me for already without adding a wedding to that list." I grumble pushing past them, so that I can get a seat near my friends for the ceremony.

At least some people are going to have a good time today. I manage to sneak a seat in between Hermione and Harry which is great for me yet awkward at the same time. The four of us spent months locked up in a tent with only each other for company, and now it's like we can barely stand to be in the same room all together. I think that it may be because we all know each other too well, that we don't want to prod at the sensitive subjects that we know are right under the surface of our poorly built composure.

There are excited whispers and quiet laughter going through the gathered crowd. I'm almost not able to recognize the sounds of normal life, for it seems so long ago that things such as gossipy whispers and laughter was a thing that you could participate in.

The Great Hall is decked out in all its fancy glory awaiting the arrival of the chosen few from this year who will actually be able to graduate and get the scroll that says that they graduated from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. There are four giant and decadent banners of red, gold, blue, and green rolling down the wall that is usually behind the staff table which now houses only the golden eagle podium and rows of chairs for the professors of Hogwarts to sit in. Most of them are there looking as weary as professor McGonagall, yet excited at the same time.

Even Hagrid is in a magically enlarged and reinforced chair, looking very red faced and seemingly very happy. I'm glad that Hagrid is still going to be a teacher now. I'm not sure that there's another person alive who is as interested or cares for magical creatures as much as he does.

"I wish we could be graduating as well." Hermione says softly, and I watch as Ron squeezes her hand. I know that this is hard for Hermione, she has always been the one of out all of us who was most excited for school and what comes after. It wasn't our fault that one of the evilest men in the world decided to come to power at that exact moment and we had to fight back.

It almost sounds absurd when I think about it, but this actually happened to all of us. We actually went through a war, and now the rest of the world wants answers. It's no wonder Kingsley isn't here right now. I know that he really wants to be, because Luka is graduating, but the demands of being the new Minister of Magic are great right now, with the World Wizarding Council demanding answers.

The problem is that Kingsley doesn't have all the answers. I think that the only people in the country that have the greatest understanding about what was going through Dumbledore's mind, and the private fight with Voldemort are the four of us sitting here, nervously waiting for the ceremony to begin.

Suddenly all the noise in the hall came to a silence and the echoing steps of Professor or I guess I should now say Headmistress McGonagall walks up to the podium. When she arrives, the room is now so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. "Thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for being here today. A lot has happened in the year and it seems fitting that a place not long ago filled with the horrors of the worst that wizarding kind can offer, now brings forth hope for the next generation to come."

McGonagall takes a moment to look out at all those who are gathered in the hall, and I swear that her eyes stop for a second longer on the four of us than the rest.

"This class of students have been through things that no other class of students have had to contend with before them. I am— proud to have called them my students, and I am positive that they will go out into the world and change it into a better place." She continues.

I feel a lump develop in my throat. I know that I'm not nervously waiting in anticipation like the rest of the students to finally be able to graduate and say goodbye to this place, but it almost feels as if she's talking to us too. The four who went missing for a whole year— to fight against a power that most were afraid to even mention.

No, we may not be moving on like the rest of our class, but in a way, I feel like we already have. I glance at my friends to see that Hermione has tears in her eyes, and that Ron's cheeks are slightly red. Harry has a hard and unreadable look in his eye, one that has taken up residence there often these days.

"I will ask you all to please help me in congratulating the graduating class of 1997!"

Fred and George are on their feet before anyone else even realizes that the students are beginning to stream into the Great Hall wearing brilliant robes of their house colors, instead of the usual Hogwarts black. I immediately spot my brother in a dashing sapphire clock that makes the blue of his eyes pop even from here. It takes me a moment to find Ariana, and my grin widens when I see her.

Her blond hair is actually a shade darker than the cloak of yellow that she's donning in support of house Hufflepuff. A wide smile is on her face, and when she spots me standing and applauding with all the rest she sinks a little wave and a wink my way. Neville looks handsome in his scarlet robes, and I see more than a few girls send flirtatious looks his way. What is most shocking is the glare that Luna sends at them.

I didn't even know that she could make a facial expression that mean, since all she ever seems to do is smile serenely. Fred and George are making as big a spectacle as they can much to Mum's dismay and Dad's amusement, by whistling and hollering good cheer into the air.

"I say you two are worse here than at home! Control yourselves this is not some Quidditch match you can yell yourself hoarse at, this is a graduation!" Mum cries smacking both of my brother in an attempt to get them to stop.

"Oh, come on Mum!" George cries dodging another hand.

"We didn't get to graduate ourselves so we have to show support to our little brother who is." Fred says letting out another piercing whistle. I can't help the smile that is still on my face from watching their antics.

"Embarrassing stories for the future, you've got to think ahead!" George adds solemnly before making a heart hand gesture at Luka only for him to turn almost as scarlet as the Gryffindor robes.

"Thank you! That is quite enough! Mr. and Mr. Weasley I may no longer be your professor but don't think that that doesn't mean that I won't put you in detention, with Mr. Filch." Headmistress McGonagall threatens and the twins both pale and silence immediately, before sinking down in their seats to the laughter of the kids that know them.

"Thank you. Now, the graduation of a class is a very time honored tradition here at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. By completing all seven years of schooling and passing both your O.W.L.s and you N.E.W.T.s, you have achieved an outstanding level of education that has yet to be surpassed in the world. That is why I have faith that each and every one of you will make a difference through whatever path you may choose to pursue in your life. I do not say this often but— I am extremely proud of you."

The lump in my throat has grown to an even larger size for I notice her glance briefly once again at us in the crowd, before turning back to address the students.

"And now when I call forth your name please step forward to receive your scroll of graduation and completion from Hogwarts School of Witch Craft and Wizardry. Abbot, Hannah…"

I mechanically clap with all the rest of the crowd and students as I watch them be called up to receive their scroll from their house head with either a handshake or a hug from them before proceeding to shake hands with the Headmistress herself.

"Dumbledore, Ariana." I jump to my feet and applaud like crazy when my girlfriend's name is called, not even caring about the few confused and disgusted looks that I am receiving from some of the family members of students in the audience. Ariana has the biggest smile on her face as she hugs Professor Sprout tightly and gets her scroll before performing an almost hilariously solemn handshake with her grandmother before returning to her seat, but not before beaming me a radiant smile, which warms me to the core like usual.

I keep my eyes on her until I can no longer see her in the crowd of students when she sits back down. I tune out most of the other students until it comes to Neville, and I make a big fuss again seeing as how I am ridiculously proud that he has graduated school with such skill and quite frankly being extremely bad ass about it all. I could still remember all of the trouble that he had when he was younger with all of the spells and magic.

There is another lull in the participation but I perk up again when I begin to hear Parkinson, Pansy. Luka is going to be called up soon. A flash of disappointment shoots through me that I wasn't up there graduating with him, but I push it back down knowing the possibility of this ever happening.

"Pendragon, Luka." McGonagall calls, and I again leap to my feet with the rest of my family to applaud. Not even my parents are able to contain themselves this time. Fred and George are trying to outdo themselves with the amount of embarrassing things they are calling.

"That's our boy!" Fred cries pretending to wipe his eyes with a handkerchief.

"Our baby boy! How time flies, I remember when he was only yay high!" George says faking wiping his eyes.

Luka's cheeks are flaming red by the time he gets up to the front of the hall to receive his scroll from Professor Flitwick with an enthusiastic shake of the hand, before going to shake the Headmistress' hand as well. I don't think that I've ever seen my brother move that fast to be out of the spotlight before.

The rest of the ceremony goes by much fast now, since there are only a few students left and McGonagall is eyeing them all carefully, but I really know that she's proud. "Your time may be done here at Hogwarts, but I think that if this past year is anything to go by, that you will always have a place behind these walls, whether graduated— or not." She says flashing another meaningful look to us.

The hall erupts into cheerful pandemonium then. All of the students are hugging each other except for the Slytherins who still look like they would rather be anywhere but here with the brilliant emerald robes on. I can see tears running down Mum's face, and Dad lifts up his glasses to wipe away the evidence of a stray proud tear.

After another minute the students start streaming back to their parents so that they can share the proud, happy moment together. It doesn't take long for Luka and Ariana to find us before both of them are wrapped up into giant hugs by the parents. I glance around at my surrounding family and see worriedly that Harry and Ginny have somehow found their way to each other, and the tension is palpable between them.

Luckily before I can get too drawn into the soon to be conflict, a slightly disheveled Luka appears in front of me and for the first time in a while there is an actual genuine large smile on his face. "Congrats grad." I say with a smile of my own to match his. I quickly wrap my arms around my brother and hold him tightly. Flashes of the conversation we had a few nights ago play behind my closed eyes. The frankness in which we talked about Augustus and what happened with him. What it means for our family now that he's gone.

There are finally only two Pendragons left in the world, and both of them are standing in this room. It's a sobering thought for sure.

"You know, part of me never thought that I was ever going to live long enough to stand here." Luka says softly, and instantly my mood is taken down a few degrees. I guess that he's not as happy as I thought he was.

"But you did, and I'm proud of you." I tell him. A dark look flashes in his eyes before he forces a happier look on his face.

"Is it something to be proud of though?" He questions flicking his gaze down at his hands, before Fred pulls him away to tease him some more with George. I feel a shudder run down my spine at the implication of his words. Should we be proud that we are here after having so much blood on our hands?

"Hey, come back to me. Don't go where I can't follow." The soft words are familiar, and instantly my body relaxes as a hand is slipped into mine. Another bit of tension leaves, as fingers are laced with mine.

My eyes focus on the blonde hair in my vision and the scent of vanilla that seems to just emanate from her very person. Concerned brown eyes meet mine, and I finally feel myself firmly back in the present.

"S-sorry…" I stutter, trying to even out my breathing again.

"You don't have to apologize, you never have to apologize to me for this. I just don't like seeing you go through this alone." Ariana says pulling me into a light hug, and I nestle my face into her neck. I let the mane of golden hair hide me from the rest of the world, even if it's only for a little while.

"Congratulations. You're now officially an adult." I whisper, giving my girlfriend a light squeeze to let her know that I am still here, and happy for her. Despite everything else going on in my life, I can be good and try and be whole for the best thing in my life.

"Thank you. I don't think that I'm quite ready to take on the world yet, but we'll see. Whatever happens, we'll do it together." Ariana says, brushing a light kiss against my cheek, and I can't help the content sigh that slips past my lips. I'm not sure exactly how long we stand there, but after what feels like far too short of a time, Ariana draws back from me, and I see the reason why.

The new Headmistress has approached the group of us, and she still has a fairly stern look on her face. Surprisingly our large crowd silences when McGonagall arrives to talk to us.

"Hello Minerva." Dad says rather cheerily. She gives him a small smile in return, but I can tell that her attention is on Harry, Hermione, Ron, and me.

"So, am I to expect the four of you in September?" She asks. I feel whatever color that might have been left in my cheeks flee at the thought of going back to school.

"Of course, Profess— I mean Headmistress." Hermione says quickly, stumbling slightly over the status change. McGonagall looks pleased before turning her attention to the boys and me. Harry and Ron shuffle nervously in their spots, looking everywhere but at our former sternest professor.

"Of course, they will be! What else would they be doing?" Mum cries exasperated. I feel Ariana's hand in mine, and receive a supportive squeeze. I don't know if she even knows what I'm thinking, but it is enough to put my panicked mind at ease.

"No." I say simply, almost as shocked as the rest of them as it slips off my tongue. All is silent for a minute or two as I watch the red grow in my mother's face until she looks about the color of a muggle fire truck that I saw once.

"WHAT?"


	2. We Live in What World Now?

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is J.K. Rowling's. Except Jamie, Luka, and Ariana.

A/N: Thank you all so much for sticking with the story for all this time. I am excited to see where this new story goes, and I hope that you all enjoy. And thank you for commenting. I am bad at remembering to respond to comments, but they do mean very much to me! Enjoy! :)

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Chapter 2- We Live in What World Now?

Ever since the graduation it has been like a whole new war is being waged in our house. Mainly it's my mother against the rest of us, but it's really focused on Ron, Harry, and me. After my flat-out refusal to attend and finish school in the fall both of the boys followed suit claiming that after the experience that we all just had, that there would never be a need to get a scroll saying we graduated school.

Our mere survival in the fight against Voldemort was reason enough. At least that was Harry's interpretation of the situation. I agree with him for the most part, but I don't think that being locked away in the school walls where everything reminds me of the most horrific time in my life, will do me any good. Besides, I don't think that I could be away from Ariana or my family for that long again either.

I may or may not have a slight case of separation anxiety. Well Luka likes to call it a rather large case, while Ginny says that I have become clingier than her pygmy puff Arnold. The last one rather insults me, but I guess it's hard to deny their accusations. It's surprisingly quiet today. Mum was rather upset learning that Fred and George were thinking about moving back to the apartment over their shop.

I don't think that Mum is quite ready for the family to begin splitting up again. She managed to bargain with her that they should stay at the house at least until the final repairs have been made to Diagon Alley in general since the famous shopping district is still trying to limp back onto its feet by having store owners to come back and open up shop again.

Gringotts is still having troubles in repairing all of the damage that occurred when Harry, Ron, Hermione, and I staged the first ever successful theft and break out of the place, by stealing its dragon and pretty much breaking through the floor and compromising the structural integrity of the building to the extent that even with magical help the repairs will take longer than anyone would like.

The four of us have been barred from stepping foot into the place until it is all fixed up again. The Goblins wanted us banned for life from ever using the facilities again, but the fact that we liberated all magical creatures from Voldemort, including them, gave us a grudging pass on allowing our money to stay where it is. It has been six days since the graduation, and things around the house have not been getting any better, for the clear tension is beginning to get to everyone.

Today is Sunday and the day before things start really changing around here. Fred and George have decided that they are going to reopen the shop come tomorrow even if Mum won't let them stay over it. George reckons that everyone needs something fun about now, and Fred thinks that laughter is the cure for almost anything (though I'm sure he sees that laughter is rare around here these days).

Tomorrow is also the day that Luka and Ariana start becoming 'real' adults. Luka is so nervous about starting work as a low-level office employee in the Central Department of the Ministry of Magic, that he accidentally turned the book he was reading into a frog. The Central Department is in charge of the running of the Ministry of Magic's day to day affairs and keeping the structure of the government secure.

To say that his department needs all the change and fixing that it can get is something akin to a massively major understatement. One good thing is that he'll get to work pretty closely with Kingsley whose entire focus since becoming Minister of Magic has been to fix the corruption that has influenced our government. I honestly don't envy my brother a bit, but when he isn't so nervous that he looks positively green, there is a giant smile on his face, because he is finally getting to do what he's wanted since he was little, and that is to help out Wizarding kind again, like Pendragons are supposed to do.

I guess that I performed my duty to my name during the war… the guilt is still there though. I honestly don't want to do more for the people— I can't, for if I do… I fear that I will lose more of myself than I already have. This specific type of guilt is only examined late at night after I am positive that Ginny has finally fallen asleep on the bed below mine, (she has taken to staying up to make sure I'm all right).

Ariana is taking a step off into the real world as well. Her true passion is in teaching. She really has a passion for education that she wants to pass on to others, and over the years I have seen countless instances of how she loves kids: interacting with them, helping them, and just hanging out with them. She wants to become a professor at Hogwarts, but she needs at least three years of work experience to qualify as a professor.

So, to get experience for her hopeful later teaching assignment, she has taken a job at the Ministry working for the Foreign Affairs and Sports Department, while continuing her studies on her own in transfiguration. It helps some that she also gets personal tutelage from the Headmistress herself and former Transfiguration professor.

Ariana is interested in foreign affairs now since there has been an influx of foreign Ministry workers that have swept into the country after the war. Kingsley has been very stressed since England has received word from the International Confederation of Wizards that they are coming to investigate the 'situation' in England.

Even Dad is on edge and I swear that the last time I saw him this nervous about a situation was when he was dealing with war time Ministry. I paid enough attention to know that England has not been out of hot water with the International Confederation of Wizards for long. First, we shared responsibility of the Grindelwald situation with Germany, and now it is our own home grown situation with Voldemort.

Even Percy who has been actually a big help in trying to build back up the Ministry looks like he's sucking a lemon whenever they are mentioned.

"GINNY! You're supposed to help me with the cooking!" Mum's holler shocks me out of my musings so violently, that I almost fall off my bunk. An exasperated groan breaks free from the girl below me. She has been spending the last half hour hiding out in the room here with me, trying to write out her speech that she is planning on giving Harry the next time that she can corner him.

"I don't know why I have to bloody well go and help her. It's not like I'm the one who's in trouble." Ginny grumbles sliding off her bed, and glowering up at me.

"That may be because you are the perfect golden daughter of the family— or probably more likely because you are one of the only people who she doesn't want to throttle on sight." I reply catching my quaffle that I have been tossing up and down absently in my thoughts.

"Lucky she hasn't actually done so yet— I don't know why you thought that it'd go over well telling her that you're not returning to school…"

"I didn't think." I snap.

"You've been doing that a lot lately and that's beginning to become a problem." She retorts. I stiffen from my place on the bed. I quickly sit up and stare down at my sister.

"I can't go back there Ginny! I can't put myself through that again…" I say swallowing around the lump in my throat.

"I know that—" Ginny starts.

"GINNY!" Mum's shout has reached yelling level. Ginny sighs knowing that our discussion has gotten interrupted before it got to a resolution.

"We'll talk later." She says with a hard look in her eye, knowing that I would probably try to forget that this whole conversation happened in the first place. I watch as the last bit of red hair disappears out of the doorway before breathing out a long sigh.

"Going that well eh?" I glance back up to see that Ron has now replaced Ginny in the doorway. He is leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What gave that away? The fact that everyone it tiptoeing around each other, or the fact that no one hardly sleeps anymore at night?" I ask. Ron closes his eyes for a moment before focusing back on me again.

"Didn't you think this would all be different? That we would come back home and that it would be like everything was right again in the world? There wouldn't be… be this—" Ron trails on starting to grow frustrated.

"Hole where things used to be? At least that's what it feels like to me. I mean we survived things that not most people couldn't even dream of ever going through." I say staring intently at the quaffle.

"Yeah a hole— like all the good things that we used to have are just sucked right back out of our lives. Mum would kill us if she heard us talking like this." Ron mutters coming into the room so that we're not as conspicuous as we were moments earlier.

"Good thing she isn't talking to either of us then." I say finally placing the quaffle down on my yellow sheet. The color reminds me of Ariana when I can't see her, and it's comforting in a sad and pathetic way. It doesn't matter how many times people tell me that's not what I am. I know what I feel deep down, and that feeling is not something that I want anyone to see or feel.

I— I killed so many people in that final battle. I took up the arms of King Arthur and did what I had to, to protect my people. They don't say what it's like afterward though, that empty space inside of you, that almost feels like its emanating a slight chill throughout my body.

"Isn't Ariana coming over tonight?" Ron asks suddenly from his place looking out the window by our desk. I flick my gaze up to look at him. I know that he's missing Hermione. I know that he's worried how the blowback went from finding her parents in Australia and returning their memories to them. We haven't heard word for a few days.

"Yeah. McGonagall is working, and she wants to spend time with us before she officially starts work tomorrow. Probably wants to check up as well." I finish with a mutter.

"Do you really blame any of them? We've kind of jumped off the deep end here… it's hard trying sometimes though. It's like they expect us to be open, and ready and willing to share everything that we've been through but it's not that easy!" Ron cries having picked up steam through his outburst.

"There are some things that we experienced that people should never know. It's not because we want to hide it— it's just better for them if they don't know. I don't think I could stand to see them suffer with this." I finish softly before jumping off my bunk and landing next to my brother.

"Harry! I didn't expect you tonight my boy!" Dad's voice barely floats up the stairs to us, and Ron and I share shocked and slightly excited looks before nearly sprinting out of my room and down the stairs to find the boy in question.

"No running in the house!" Mum's screech is all but ignored, when we make it to the living room and see Dad sitting in his chair with his read glasses on with the paper, and Harry standing awkwardly by the door to the yard.

"Harry!" I cry relieved to see my friend again.

"Good to see you mate, it's been a while." Ron says. We both hesitate a little way away from him, because Harry has become a little touchy since everything.

"Yeah, same." Harry says clearing this throat when his words come out sounding croaky.

"Why'd you show up?" I ask trying not to sound insensitive but it's been almost an entire week with no contact with the guy. Harry glances at me for a second and sighs.

"Molly threatened to track me down and drag me back by my hair if I didn't come back for Sunday dinner." Harry says awkwardly glancing at Dad before gesturing with his head that we should follow him out to the yard. Familiarity born of months of solitude with only each other for company leads to the three of us plodding off into the slightly muddy yard and out towards the shed where we keep the Quidditch supplies.

"How have you been Harry?" I ask him as soon as the three of us are safely hidden from view.

"Trying to get some peace… moving around every few days, now that it's safe to come out again everyone has started going out more, and it's hard to stay hidden from crowds. I went to see my parents again." Harry says rolling his wand between his fingers.

I wonder if he's remembering the power that he felt when he had the Elder Wand in his grasp. Harry acts strong, but a lot of people forget that he's human along with the rest of us.

"That's nice. I suppose it must be good to be able to visit them whenever you want." Ron says staring at the ground, for this discussion is beginning to get into areas that any of us are comfortable with.

The three of us stand in silence for while looking off over the rolling green countryside that looks like nothing bad ever had happened there. Harry breaks the silence with another awkward throat clearing.

"I've heard from Hermione. She's good with her parents, getting them resettled into a house. They're very confused and mighty angry at her after she explained to them everything that happened. She'll try and come visit soon, but she still has a lot of smoothing over to do before she goes back off to Hogwarts come September." Harry explains.

"Mione contacted you? Why didn't she send word to us?" Ron asks hastily glancing around, as if the witch is here in person to answer all his questions.

"I don't know she just sent me a Patronus the other day." Harry says. I place my hand on Ron's shoulder trying to quell the worry that is building in him. "Apparently, we are also being heralded as heroes." Harry says making a face out at the scenery again. I grimace as well. So far, the four of us have been avoiding the Daily Prophet. They did the quickest 'cleaning' of their organization, before they started getting papers out again spouting all of the 'great' news now that the Dark Lord is gone and Britain is finally free again.

"They can say whatever they want to say. They weren't there. They don't understand what really happened. Besides, when will that have been differently than anything else that they have done in the past?" I question, shoving my hands into the pockets of my shorts.

"True." Harry says closing his eyes for a second.

"It doesn't stop making anything better though. They shouldn't talk about things that they don't know anything about." Ron mutters crossly.

"Again, it won't make any difference. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of fighting. We have been on the run and fighting for our lives for a year. We're home now, and we're supposed to feel safe, but that feeling hasn't come back. I know that you guys feel the same. That's why you stay in the tent and keep moving around Harry instead of staying here with us. That's why you're so jumpy Ron when you aren't around Hermione for she makes you feel normal, or at least the normal that you have adjusted to now." I say my chest heaving after my unexpected outburst.

Both of the boys' eyes are wide and they both have shocked expressions on their face. This is the loudest that I have been since the end of the war. This is the most out of control that I have felt. Small sparks of blue flame jump from my palms and my hands start to shake uncontrollably.

I quickly close them into fists and make my way back towards the house. No, nothing is right now. Everything is wrong and off, and it's almost more painful than being away. How I envy Harry and his freedom. He's not constrained to one spot. He can go anywhere and get the space that he needs to breathe. I open the door back into the living room removing my now dirty shoes, and it takes me a second to adjust to the sight before me.

Dad is still in his chair, but his glasses are off his face, and he is looking amusedly at Luka who is standing in front of him in black dress slacks and a light blue dress shirt. From each hand dangles, a tie that is being held up for perusal. Fred and George are lounging on one of the couches with big smiles on their faces looking like Christmas came early this year for them.

"Come on this is serious! Which one should I wear tomorrow. I want to make a good impression." Luka says sounding as nervous and panicked as he has been the past few days.

"I don't know why you bother, it's going to make you look like a prat either way." George says, tossing a bit of something into his mouth, only to have it contort in a sour look.

"Boys be serious here." Dad says, though there is a tiny smile on his face as well. I can tell that this moment of family inclusiveness is really making him feel better.

"We are Dad, how can we in good conscious let him go work in that place, it sucks your soul out through those evil contraptions!" Fred says pointing at the tie, and then miming a hanging motion.

"I don't know what all the fuss is about. You'll look fine in either one." I say pulling the attention of the occupants of the room. Dad smiles at me and holds out one of his arms to me, and I make my way over to sink down onto the arm of the chair so that he can wrap his arm around me.

"Good you can help me. Those hooligan know-nothings are being no help at all." Luka says holding up both of the ties again, and I roll my eyes lightly.

"I already said that you would look fine in either, very grown up." I reassure him. Dad chuckles from beside me, and pats my side obviously in appreciation for the help.

"Go with the blue one son, it goes well with your eyes." Dad says jovially, his smile brightening when the one on Luka's face grows as well.

"Right! Thanks!" With that the boy thunders back up the stairs again.

"NO RUNNING IN THE HOUSE!" Mum thunders from the kitchen.

"Mum! It's not worth it!" Ginny cries.

"Ugh! Dad, you must be hanging out with Fleur too much these days. Is she trying to convert you to the newest fashion couture?" George asks making a gagging motion at the moment of fashion advice.

"Yeah you're starting to sound a lot like the girls when they get together." Fred chimes in.

"Is there something wrong with that? Just cause Mum still has to dress you two every day, doesn't mean that everyone else should mock others for wanting to look nice." I shoot back at them.

"You're one to talk Jamie, the only time you ever care about clothes, is when you know that Ariana is going to be around." Fred says making heart motions, and fake swooning on the couch. I shoot a glare at his face.

"He's got you there Jame." Dad says with a chuckle, and I turn to him with a scandalized look on my face.

"Whose side are you on anyway?" I demand.

"I have nine children Jamie dear, I lost the right to choose sides many years ago." Dad says, giving me a little squeeze. I pout at him, but that does nothing but make him smile even more.

I don't know what I would have done if it wasn't for him sticking up for us that day after Luka and Ariana graduated. Mum was so mad that I was just waiting for her to actually spit fire at us, her face was so red. She shouted all the way home and for about an hour and a half after that, getting more and more upset when Dad or any of the others would not take her side.

Two days later when I snuck out to Dad's shed where he keeps all of his muggle contraptions, I asked him why he was so supportive of us not going back to school. He had sighed and set down what Hermione had explained to me was a vacuum cleaner.

He said to me, "Jamie, I knew that you were not going to go back. Your heart was never in school I knew that, we talked about it before. Molly just has a hard time realizing that you can't force your children to do things that they don't want to. There comes a time when they have to live their lives the way they want them to. Look at Fred and George, see how well they turned out?"

I sit there comfortable with just sitting next to the man who took me and my brother in as his own, listening to him argue and jest with the twins. It is light and happy, something that we have been sorely missing for a long while. I didn't even notice that it was starting to grow late, until Harry and Ron come back into the house a little damp, for it has started to rain again, and this time they have a guest with them.

Instantly a smile is on my face when I see Ariana dodge a playful swipe from Ron. Still easily the most beautiful creature that I have ever seen in this world. I don't even feel my dad let go of me, until somehow, I am right in front of her, and the gorgeous smile on her face is directed at me.

Everyone else in the room falls away once her arms are around me. I swear that this is one of the safest places that I've felt in a very long time. All of the nervous tension from my episode outside washes away as I relax further into her embrace.

"I'm glad you're happy to see me." Ariana says softly. I smile into the skin of her neck, not quite ready to break the moment with speech.

"Oh, Jamie here is always happy to see you Ariana." Fred says loudly interrupting the moment between us, and popping the happy bubble that I was in.

"Well then we would be even, for I always feel very happy when I am with her as well." Ariana retorts quickly, before stealing a quick kiss from my lips. It is light, and far too short in my opinion, but the cold reality that we are in a room filled with most of my male family members washes over me.

"'ee, zey are so cute! I told 'ou." I startle as Fleur's accented English hits my ears. I guess that everyone is going to start showing up now. I know that my face must be flaming by now, and I take a small bit of satisfaction in knowing that there is a slight coloring to Ariana's cheeks as well.

"I wasn't doubting that dear, I was just unsure of why we were talking about this in the first place." Bill says closing the door behind him, while trying to balance a covered dish in his hands. "Hi Dad, Fleur baked a pie for tonight so that we weren't putting Mum through too much trouble."

"That's okay Molly has recruited Ginny to help her in the kitchen for most of the afternoon." Dad says with a chuckle.

"More like forcibly conscript. She was none too happy to be the only one helping out." I say. Ariana cocks her head at me, and I can see that the softness has returned to them.

"Still mad about the other day?" She asks curious.

"Of course, she is the master at holding grudges." Luka says coming down the stairs and pausing at the landing, seeing as the living room is getting really crowded.

"Don't let her hear you say that now. That never goes over well." George says with a shiver.

"Come now, we may as well get the outside set up. There isn't enough space in here to cram everyone around the kitchen table anymore." Dad says heaving up from his chair to start back towards the outside.

"I hate eating outside when it's raining." Ron mutter crossly before following Dad back outside into the rain with Luka, Harry, Bill, Fred, and George. I know that I should probably be going and trying to help, but I just don't feel that up to it at the moment. I much rather be with Ariana and try to let my worries fade away while she is here. I feel a tug on my hand and notice that she's leading me upstairs as Fleur floats towards the kitchen. I hope that she knows that mum will be in a right fine mood today.

I silently follow Ariana until we are safely in the confines of my room with the door closed. We're technically not supposed to be in here alone, but we haven't been close since a year ago before I left on a trip that I wasn't sure that I was ever going to come back from. We stand there in silence for a moment, and our eyes are locked. I used to like it when Ariana would look into my eyes, it felt like she could see everything that made me— well me.

Now though, it feels like there is so many secrets and dark horrible things that I don't want her to see, so it makes these moments all the more excruciating. It always dislodges what has been upsetting me the most recently. Before I know it, my vision is going blurry, and I can feel the sting of tears in my eyes.

"What happened?" Ariana asks softly, cupping my cheek in her palm. I close my eyes and the first tears start falling down.

"I-it almost happened…" I say shakily. Ariana looks confused for a moment, but I glance down at my hands, and her eyes widen in shock. Since the final battle the Righteous Fury hasn't made an appearance since. Even if I have been angry there hasn't been so much as a spark. That was until today at least.

"Oh Jame…" Ariana says. Before pulling me closer to her and into another hug. I bury my face into the soft sweater that she is wearing feeling slightly bad that I'm getting her nice clothes wet with my tears. "Remember love, you have me from now to all eternity. You promised and I accepted, nothing that you do or happens can pry my away now. I got you… I always got you." She says, running her fingers through my hair, while placing soft kisses to the side of my head.

I don't know what I did right in the world to deserve Ariana Dumbledore, but I am eternally grateful that she chose me to put up with for the foreseeable future. We stand there together for a few more moments until the door swings open and Ginny stops dead at the sight of the two of us.

"It's time for dinner. I'd get down soon, if you don't want Mum even worse off." She says simply before snapping her mouth shut again, and marching back in the direction that she came from. Ariana pulls back from me, and I fight the urge to whimper at the loss of her warmth. She looks at the place where Ginny was only moments before.

"Things going all right there?" She questions as we slowly make our way out of the room and down the stairs.

"Depends on the day." I say noncommittally. She doesn't need to know that sometimes it's more dependent on the hour. We make our way out back Ariana instantly conjuring a water repellant charm that takes the form of an umbrella for the two of us to make it to the tent like set up that is to be our dinner table.

Mum has been bemoaning the fact that we do not have a room big enough for a table to house all of the family and guests anymore. She thinks that its rather uncouth to have guests over and demand that they eat outside with you like cattle grazing in a pasture. Dad just jokes that the amount of kids that they have its like we are all cattle eating up everything in sight. Mum did not like the reference between herself and a cow, so that landed Dad on the couch for a couple of nights.

There is happy and loud chatter going around the table when we make our appearance out of the rain. Mum and Fleur are at the head of the table arguing about the placement of the dishes by course, and thus that leads to more disagreements about what food is better than the others. Dad and Bill are already seated, and they are having a quiet and serious conversation between the two of them with hushed voices.

I am sure that they are talking about something ministry related or there wouldn't be such serious and worried looks on their faces. Ginny is joking around with Fred and George who are having a competition to see who can change the most colors of the food before Mum notices. I think that she is supposed to be a judge between the two of them. Harry and Ron are talking with Luka about what exactly he's going to have to be doing in his new job.

Luka is eagerly telling them about all of the administrative review and reconstruction that he is going to be a part of, and I can't help but grin when I notice Ron's eyes begin to glaze over at the sound of all the 'boring' things that my brother is going to do.

"Then I hope to regain our place on the Wizengamot soon. Our seat has been empty for a long time and I think that it would make our parents proud to see us fulfilling the Pendragon duties once again." Luka says with a grin on his face.

"Sure, you don't want to get in on this 'fun' Jamie?" Ron asks cautiously as Ariana and I take seats across from the boys.

"No, Luka is the perfect fit for the role. Knowing me I would end up causing a scene by letting people get away with accidentally burning down buildings from enchanted fireworks." I say with a chuckle.

"Which is why you have my vote Jame for that stuffy position." Fred says eavesdropping in on our conversation.

"Though Luka would look better in the uniform." George supplies with a snigger as he hits the pudding with a nice chartreuse color. Ginny snorts behind her hand at the vision of Luka wearing the poofy robes.

"It's an honor!" Luka protests beginning to turn red in the cheeks.

"It is, now Ariana what exactly are you going to be doing working with the foreign affairs office?" Harry asks quickly taking the attention away from my brother who looks seconds away from murder.

"Besides going to a lot of fantastic Quidditch games he means." Ron says with a great big smile on his face. He is sure that since my girlfriend is now working in the foreign affairs and sport office that we are all going to get great seats to all of the Quidditch games that we could ever desire.

"Well it isn't all fun and games. It seems like I will be helping mostly with trying to smooth over our relations with the other countries. I know that everyone knows that things aren't going over so well on the foreign front, so I am going to be trying to help out with our allies and making sure that they are still our allies." Ariana says a slight crease forming between her eyebrows. I grab her hand underneath the table quickly for support.

"Why would we even need allies? We've done nothing wrong." Harry says suddenly looking much more severe than before.

"They're looking for someone to blame about everything that's happened. Just because you stopped him, doesn't mean that the rest of the world won't be looking for someone to blame and a reason for why this all started." Luka says, and Ariana nods along.

"We're in the unfortunate position of being the most recent major war to occur in Wizarding History." Ariana adds.

"Don't be forgetting Grindelwald either." Another voice says, and we all look up to smile at the girl who has unexpectedly joined us.

"How could we ever?" Luka says with a bemused look on his face as Ron tips over his chair sending him to the ground with a wet squish in his haste to get up and greet Hermione. I exchange a smile with my friend, not having expecting her to arrive tonight, as Harry helps Ron back to his feet, while Luka makes a comment about muddy backs being in style now.

"M-Mione… what are you doing here? I-I didn't expect to see you again for a while." Ron sputters his face so red that the tips of his ears burn hot. Ron kind of cuffs his ears in embarrassment. Mum recently forcefully cut his hair saying that have one son with hair longer than Ginny's and mine was enough, so his ears are poking out again.

Hermione pulls out the chair on the other side of me across from Luka and heaves a sigh.

"Well I was practically grounded from all of the stuff that happened over the year, but I got a reprieve when Mum and Dad found out that I still plan on finishing school, and that I had to come back for Sunday dinner or else Mrs. Weasley might go apoplectic and send out the Aurors if ones of us didn't show up for Sunday dinner." Hermione explains unfolding her napkin over her lap.

"That's rather nice of them. Smart too— Mrs. Weasley is on the warpath lately." Ariana says softly glancing down at the other end of the table where Mum looks almost sick glancing at her watch, before she blows out a large breath of air.

"I guess there is no sense in letting the food go cold waiting for people who are not going to show up." Mum says glumly and sinks down into her chair next to Dad. I watch him lean over to whisper something to her, only to be pushed away. A pang of guilt shoots through me knowing that I am part of the reason why they are currently having problems now.

Ron had asked me earlier in the week if I thought that the arguing was getting particularly bad between them. He was worried about the chance that the family was going to break apart and that our parents were going to separate. I told him that if they lived through two wars and nine kids then they could survive anything. I hope that I wasn't wrong in telling him so.

Since becoming part of the Weasley family— Merlin— since even before then when they took us in since Kingsley was on so many dangerous missions, this is the worst that I have ever seen the two of them act. I feel a squeeze to the hand that is still holding my girlfriend under the table.

"So that means that we can eat, right?" George says not even bothering to wait for an answer as he reaches out and grabs a steak and kidney pie.

"Why bozzer even asling if you're goingz to take it anyzway?" Fleur grumbles, shooting the offending twin a murdering look.

"Seems like nothing's changed around here in the last few days." Hermione says with a soft smile on her face. I glance around at the table and am almost shocked to notice that she's right. Even though the circumstances may be different, the same atmosphere that always made home… well home, are the same. It fills me with an unexpected surge of warmth to realize that.

I smile happily when Ariana spoons some potatoes on my plate and I return the favor with some vegetables. Conversation gradually picks up again, but the strain is out of the air for the most part. I can tell that Ron is desperate to talk to Hermione alone, especially since she is writing letters to Harry instead of him. Even Ron knows that it would be proverbial suicide to leave the table at this point with the still dark look in Mum's eye.

It's during a conversation about the state of the reopening of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes that a loud CRACK disturbs the conversation. The conversation stops immediately unlike before when it would merely lull for a moment. I feel the muscles in my body tense, and Ariana's grip on my hand becomes stronger.

It seems like no one is breathing while some have grabbed their wands (Fred, Bill, Dad, and Harry), until a pair of people come walking around the corner. Instantly Dad and Mum sigh in relief at the recognition of Percy with his curly red hair, and his horn-rimmed glasses. The odd thing about the sight though is the fact that the person with him is holding his hand— and a girl.

"No—" George gasps.

"It can't be— it just can't…" Ginny stutters.

"It's against nature!" Fred cries.

"Shut up!" Mum hisses making a swatting motion across the table at the three of her offensive children.

"I was not expecting that." I admit, and I see Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Luka nod along with me.

"Good for him." Ariana says with a smile.

The woman holding Percy's hand is only a few inches shorter than him with light brown hair a little past her chin and oval glasses perched on her nose. Light brown eyes shine apprehensively at the group of us. She is dressed in a suit skit looking like she just came from the ministry that almost (almost) cutely matches my brother's suit.

"Percy…" Dad says happily trailing off and makes a pointed look at the woman that looks paler than Nearly Headless Nick by this point.

"Right! Mother Father, terrifyingly large sibling group— this here is Audrey Barnes. She works in the Department of Runes and Symbols. Audrey, these are my parents Arthur and Molly Weasley." Percy says clearing his throat nervously.

"Hello…" Audrey says nervously giving a little wave to the gathered group of people. I would be nervous too if I was meeting a makeshift outside room full of thirteen people as well.

"Well aren't you going to introduce the rest of us Perce?" Fred demands, a smirk on his face. I watch Percy pale another shade, as Audrey looks half curiously and half timidly around the big table. "Well we'll make it easy on the poor lass and not have a quiz at the end, I'm Fred Weasley at your service."

"And should you ever find yourself in the need of more enticing company I'm George and that lug's better looking twin brother." George says while wriggling his eyebrows.

"Oh Merlin…" Bill sighs, and that only increases the size of the grins on the twins' faces.

"That stick in the mud is the eldest of this motley crew William Bill Billy Boy Weasley. The too hot to be stuck with him girl at his side is his wife, the beautiful (Fleur glares at Fred) but deadly Fleur Delcour, imported all the way from France!" Fred exclaims looking like he's been granted the chance of a lifetime to finally introduce all of us to somebody.

"Next to us is the youngest but best not to be forgotten unless you want a nasty Bat Bogey Curse— Ginny Weasley! The fool on Fred's other side stupidly covered in mud is our baby brother Ronald Weasley. The next bloke should need NO introducing with the scar on his forehead but that's none other than— you guessed it Harry Potter, honorary Weasley clansman." George continues, chuckling between introductions and the disgruntled looks on people's faces.

"Life at Chateau Weasley wouldn't be complete without resident smart guy Luka Pendragon, beloved adopted brother and nerd. No visit is complete without feeling like you've gotten no education at all after talking to the lovely, beautiful, and brainy Ms. Hermione Granger. The last two lovebirds are so sickeningly sweet it seems like they are always glued together at the hand our only other beloved sister Jamie Pendragon— also adopted, and her brilliant and wickedly courageous Ariana Dumbledore." Fred finishes with a grand flourish.

I can't help but feel heat rise to my cheeks and I notice that most everyone else at the table seems to be fairly embarrassed as well.

"There was no need for that boys." Dad says, but I can see the twinkle in his eye, and the ill-concealed smile that says otherwise.

"What? We said that she didn't have to take the quiz afterwards. Would the written exam be better?" George asks, with a very bad impression of an innocent face.

"Never mind that now— I didn't know you were bringing a guest! We'll need another chair! Go— sit by the girls, they are harmless, well at least less so that the twins." Mum says looking absolutely flustered. It's almost nice to see her as something other than angry these days. I'm sure the reprieve won't be long, but we will have to enjoy it all the same.

"I'm sorry for intruding on your night— Percy said it would be fine but—" Audrey starts.

"Nonsense, you're here now, and there's more than enough food to go around even with the never-ending stomachs that the boys seem to never grow out of." Mum says as Dad reappears with a chair that he sits between him and Ariana next to the other free one. The only person who had a free pass to get out of this meal in the first place was Charlie and that's only because he's recovering from an entirely too close encounter with one of those dragons that he's taking care of in Romania. I swear that he was trying to ride it like the four of us did in the Gringotts escape.

Percy and Audrey are seated at the table and Mum wastes no time in shoving food at them so that they aren't starving and so that all my brothers and Harry won't eat all the food. "So, Audrey… tell us about yourself! Percy has never brought a girl home before!" Mum says excitedly beaming at Audrey like she is the solution to all her problems that have been going on around here. I guess that focusing on something as mundane as a girlfriend is like a blessing in disguise for her.

Audrey blushes and I can tell that the sudden inquisition is making her uncomfortable.

"Yeah you must be some kind of saint to put up with him." Ginny snickers and the twins grin at her jab. Percy glares at the three of them and opens his mouth to fire back at them, when I see Audrey place her hand on his arm. Percy immediately closes his mouth and looks almost bashful. It reminds me of how Ariana and I act around each other.

"I-it's all right Percy. I didn't except that I was going to get out of explaining myself when coming to meet the family." Audrey says.

"You could have at least done it with a smaller number of family members." I say giving my older brother a pointed look. There would be no way in hell that I would have thrown Ariana to the wolves if she didn't already know the family or have nerves of steel.

"Jamie hush— let the poor girl speak! I'm sorry dear, I do not know what's gotten into my children today. You'd swear they were all kids still instead of supposed adults!" Mum says with a scathing sharp look to us all. I grit my teeth and avert my gaze. I know that she's mad at me, but after everything that we went through— everything that happened, I would have liked to be able to still feel like I had a mother to go to.

"Well there isn't much to say really. I am Muggle-born, my father is a locksmith and my mother is a preschool teacher. I have two siblings a brother and a sister, and they are both not magical. As Percy already said I work for the Department of Runes and Symbols, which I quite like… oh and I have a cat named Morris." Audrey says with a slight tremor to her voice.

Mum is smiling at the woman and Dad has a fond look on his face. Hermione looks pleased that it looks like there might be another person around who can share her knowledge of growing up in a muggle family even more so than Harry.

"How did you two meet?" Ginny asks, seemingly unable to hold off her curiosity any longer with sarcastic humor.

Audrey pales a little and glances and Percy. A grim look has come over his face as well.

"Actually, we met right after Audrey's trial." Percy says flatly. The table freezes at the tone in which this conversation has taken.

"I-I was just sentenced to Azkeban on the day of the final battle. They were about to transfer the lot of us when out of nowhere guards are falling down around us and there is Percy, this sort of crazed look in his eyes along with a few other witches and wizards. They had had enough of standing by and doing nothing. They had to act, and they saved us, smuggled us out of the Ministry." Audrey says, her haunted expression turning to a big beaming smile on her face.

"That's why I was a little late to the battle. I had to make sure that Audrey— everyone was okay. Most wanted to come with me and fight, but we hadn't the time or the fighters to go back in and reclaim their wands. We got them to a safe place and the rest of the group stayed back to make sure that no one from the Ministry followed us or was going to come back for them." Percy explains.

Dad has a proud smile on his face. This is such a difference from when I can remember them screaming and shouting at each other over their differences at home and at work. I'm glad that the hatchet has been buried at least with some of my family members.

"Well Perce, it looks like you've got a keeper then." Luka says with a warm smile on his face. I can't help but agree with him. Then again, I find that I am becoming a sap for the love stories that involve heroic deeds and overcoming adversity. It reminds me slightly of my own path, however as Ginny puts it idiotic it may have been.

"Thank you." Audrey says with a blush and the family goes back into more lighthearted topics, with Mum still slightly grilling our newest guest. Darkness has definitely set upon us by the time that all the food has been eaten and some people are complaining of stomachs being about to burst.

"Well I guess we better start—" Dad starts with a clap of his hands when a second later a loud CRACK disturbs the yard. Instantly wands are drawn and tensions are high once more. My heart is racing in my chest. We weren't expecting anyone else, everyone who was supposed to be here is here now.

We stand there in dreadful silence until out of the silence comes a cloaked figure. Wands are raised a little bit higher in preparation, but a breath of relief is collectively released when Kingsley or should I say our new Minister steps into the light.

"Well then Kingsley you gave us all the fright! I didn't know you were coming to dinner, I would have—" Dad starts again.

"I would have loved to Arthur, but this is a more serious matter than that. I came here straight after I received the news. There is no more forestalling them. The International Confederation of Wizards has made their decision they are coming to London to oversee the rebuilding and clean-up of the Ministry." Kingsley says with a solemn look on his face.

"Well… we all knew that this was coming sooner or later." Dad says evenly.

"We had just hoped later and without any undue influence." Bill grumbles, and Fleur grasps his hand tightly.

"What does this mean for us?" Harry asks, looking all too prepared to jump into another fight, and panic sets off inside me. I don't think that I have it in me to follow him into battle again, not this soon— maybe never again.

"It means that not only is there a committee of officials coming to oversee the Ministry gets back up and running again, that there will also be an official inquisition into how this war with Voldemort came about." Kingsley says looking now like he has a sour taste in his mouth.

"What more is there to know, there was a war and now it's over for old slit nose is dead." Ron says loudly banging his fist on the table.

"It's not that simple Ron." Hermione says softly sounding like she hates even admitting to it herself.

"No, it's not, Miss Granger is correct. The world wants answers, and unfortunately, they mainly want it from you four. The Inquisitor wishes to speak to you." Kinsley says gravely looking from Harry, to Ron, to Hermione, to me. I feel like my heart has died in my throat.

This can't be happening. The last time I interacted with an inquisitor it didn't end so well for me. Ariana grasps my hand tightly making the white scars stick out more. No… it didn't go well at all.


	3. Witch For Hire

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is J.K. Rowling's. Except Jamie, Luka, Ariana, and Arden.

* * *

Chapter 3- Witch for Hire

A gentle breeze ruffles the curtains of the window, and I allow my eyes to drift closed, as faint tendrils tickle along the exposed skin of my back. The human pillow beneath me hums softly, and skates her fingers higher along my spine. I can't help the shiver, but I don't push Ariana's hand out from under my shirt.

The two of us have been laying here for the past— Merlin knows how long, just soaking in the presence of the other. When Ariana showed up at the house today unexpectedly, she had demanded that we spend time together for the week had been too long for her liking. Work has been driving my girlfriend crazy, and unfortunately, we haven't been able to spend a lot of time together.

The second we had gotten to my room and clambered up onto my bunk, Ariana had pulled me down on top of her, and wrapped her arms around me. The stress that has settled squarely between my shoulders started to release the second I was held. I still don't know what I have done to deserve this woman in my life, but I am eternally grateful that she is here.

A sigh escapes Ariana, and I crack my eyes open just enough to see weary, stressed, and worried brown eyes looking back at me. "Love?" I ask, not up for more words.

"I don't mean to push you— but have you thought more about the Inquisition?" Ariana asks hesitantly, far too softly. Immediately my body stiffens up, and Ariana tightens her hold on me, and her fingernails scratch along my back, and another shiver lets loose.

"Why?" I ask softly. Ariana releases a shaky breath, and ghosts a kiss over my nose.

"Because Ford has arrived in my office, and she is reigning holy terror down on us, ever since Harry…" Ariana tactfully trails off. I can't help but release a chuckle at what she is implying.

Our weekly family dinner last time did not go over so well at the end. As soon as Kingsley came down with the morbid edict that there was an inquisition into Voldemort's second rise to power and the following second war there was a chill to the air. Things only went worse as soon as it was proclaimed that we would have to speak with the Inquisitor as well from the International Confederation of Wizards.

Harry had not taken the news so well. He all but slammed his knife down on his plate, breaking the porcelain, and decreed that the Inquisitor could read the Daily Prophet's version of events and then shove it up their arse. He then made a rather colorful display at muttering every curse word that I believe is known in the English language before disappearing with a loud CRACK!

That was the exact message that was relayed to ICW Inquisitor Ford when she arrived in the Department of Foreign Affairs and Sports. To say the least she wasn't happy. Ariana later owled to me that the Inquisitor was lucky that she didn't snap her poor wand in two. Actually, I would have paid money to see that. There needs to be a little more out of the ordinary fun around here.

"I-I really don't want to have to talk about it Ari." I say, cursing myself at the mere fact that my voice wavered on the thought of the past year.

"I know. I understand Jame, I really do. I… I'm just afraid. Inquisitor Ford is not someone that you ignore lightly. The whole Wizarding World is on edge at the moment." Ariana whispers, and I feel a lump grow in my throat.

"Th-there's things that I don't think that I can repeat. You know some of what happened…" I whimper burying my face into the crook of her neck. The scent of vanilla is calming, but not enough to help me at this point.

"I know love, I know. I won't ask you to do anything that you don't want. Just remember that I'm always here. I'm not going anywhere." Ariana promises with another kiss, this time to the side of my head. I swallow back the sob that's threatening to rise in my throat.

"I know." I choke out.

Things are happening all too fast now. Change is coming, and now its demanding my presence and participation. Dad and Bill talk a lot about the new committee from the ICW and the Inquisitor. Apparently, nothing is safe from their claws (hands). They are especially displeased with the Inquisitor. I learned from the pair of them after dinner one night when Bill was visiting that her name is Amelia Ford, and she is an American.

Apparently, there has always been some bad blood and animosity between the American and English Wizarding communities. The fact that this American Inquisitor has been chosen to figure out what happened here is a great insult, and an even greater cause for worry. This Amelia Ford is old blood MANCUSA, meaning that her sense of American government and superiority has been passed down from generations.

Add that to all the fighting and blame about the war with Grindelwald, and you have yourself a certifiable powder keg. One that we have supposedly tried to send back, but cannot return. The last thing that I need is to talk to a woman like that who has something to gain from all the pain that has occurred here. People have died, and all people seem to care about is having someone to point the finger at.

"Sometimes… it feels like it's still going on— you know in my head." I admit softly almost afraid that the admission is going to change how Ariana looks at me— holds me.

"You went through a lot." She replies evenly not letting any emotion out of her tone. I know that it pains her that I still haven't been able to open up to her since the war has ended. I hate myself for being unable to do so. Sometimes though… it feels like if I open up and welcome her into my own personal hell, that she will suffer just as much, if not more than I currently am. What kind of person would I be to put her through that?

Hermione and I still haven't gone into further detail about the time we spent at the Manor… I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to talk about that. It's still hard to accept that on nights that Ariana doesn't stay over that I wake up screaming for Hermione, begging for whatever hell that she is being put through to end.

It doesn't matter that both our torturers are dead, they live on burned into our very mind. Most times I only quiet down after Ginny crawls up into my bunk and she holds me tightly, and we both get a terrible night's rest cramped on the single mattress, attempting not to fall. It worries me deeply what I am going to do when she goes back to school. There is not going to be anyone nearby to help me.

The door to the room enters, and I holt slightly, before relaxing back into the warm wandering hand on my back. Luka is standing in the doorway with a bedraggled appearance. A look of utter exhaustion is on his face for nearly nine thirty in the morning.

"Breakfast… it might help." Luka says, before turning and leaving the landing. My brother has not been himself lately. He has been running himself ragged working at top speed all day, almost pulling later hours at the Ministry than both Dad and Percy (quite a feat). I haven't had the chance to really gauge his opinion on the foreigners yet, but I have heard a few grumblings about the amount of extra work that they tack on.

"It's nice to know that he still cares in his own way." Ariana muses, before withdrawing her hand from my shirt. I refuse to admit that I may have made a noise somewhat comparable to a whimper.

"Why do we have to follow him though?" I whine. Okay maybe I am as pathetic as I think that I sound.

"Because now that he's up that means that your Mum will be raising hell, and coming up here to find out just exactly what we're doing. I don't think she'd be very keen to find me with a hand up her daughter's shirt, lack of an appendage or not." Ariana says with a small crooked smile, and reluctantly I get up. I swear that it's not fair. No one is supposed to look that cute and sexy all at the same time. There is no way to combat against it.

It takes a minute or two but we both manage to get off my bunk safely and downstairs to the kitchen. Judging by the noise level of the banging pots, I would say that Mum is not in a good mood again (not that she ever is these days). She might be on the warpath but Dad and Ariana keep trying to remind us that half of the reason why she is this bad off in the first place is because she's so worried about us.

It's not only the apparent lack of future that we all will now have, there is the added bit about the nightmares that I have, and the sullenness that has descended over Ron. It's the near ghostliness of Harry freaking Potter, who we haven't heard word from since his outburst at dinner six days ago. It's about all the things that we have left unsaid. It would be enough to drive anyone crazy.

There's only Luka, Ron, and Ginny at the table. Dad has gone back to his beloved shed for shelter from the storm (something else that's become common). At the sight of us Mum doesn't even blink an eye before two bowls of porridge are set down in front of us. I keep my eyes on my mum for a few seconds longer hoping that she will meet my eye, but she turns back around without a word to bang another pot.

"So… what's everyone up to today?" Luka asks, still looking half asleep. Ginny perks up from the other side of Ron.

"I'm going over to Luna's today. We're going to talk about how we're going to repurpose Dumbledore's Army now that there's no more need for it. We don't think that the school will be the same without it though. I want it to be something that the kids after us can use as a symbol of hope through their school years." Ginny says.

The rest of us blink dumbly at her for a second. Here we all are still half asleep and locked away in our own minds, and Ginny is ready to get out there and do something productive. "I think that sounds great Ginny. You'll have to keep Luka, Neville, and me updated on the progress. You're right about it being a part of the place now." Ariana says with a pretty big smile.

"Is there even still a house left?" Ron snaps suddenly. I wince at the memory of the Erumpment Horn exploding and Xenohilius Lovegood shouting about Luna and wailing about what was happening.

"There is. I think that the place actually looks a right sight better now that they have the funds and a reason to improve the place a little. There's still something… quirky about the place, but I think that the house would never truly be theirs if it wasn't at least a little bit so." Ginny responds sharply. I don't think that I can listen to an argument between the two of them again about the 'loony' Lovegoods.

"Still shouldn't be going over there…" Rom mutters crossly, but it wasn't soft enough. The pan currently in Mum's hand slams down onto the counter with alarming force. The bang makes me nearly jump out of my seat, but Ariana's strong hand on my thigh keeps me from toppling over.

"That. Is. It." Mum says, and a shiver runs down my spine. I don't think that I have ever heard her this seething and deadly.

"Mum…" I start, not really sure what I even want to say. All I know is that this is not going to be pretty.

"I am sick and tired of the two of you sitting around here, acting like there's nothing left for you out there—"

"Oi! That's not what we're doing, we've been through he—" Ron pipes up, before being cut off again by our mother.

"I DON'T CARE! YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA OR PATH FOR THE FUTURE! YOU HAVE FORSAKEN SCHOOL AND AN EDUCATION, YET YOU HAVE NO DESIRE FOR A JOB!" Mum shouts. I wince at the sound and the disappointment that I feel coming from her. I know that she wishes that we were different… that we were still the same as we were before the war happened. Before lives were lost— some taken by my own hand.

"Mum—" I try again my voice cracking. Ariana grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly in support.

"NO! I HAVE HAD IT! YOU TWO WILL EITHER GO OUT AND GET JOBS THIS VERY DAY, OR I WILL PERSONALLY KICK THE TWO OF YOU ONTO THE TRAIN BACK TO HOGWARTS WHERE YOU BELONG!" the silences rings eerily after her outburst. Luka and Ginny's eyes are wide close to popping, and Ariana looks a cross between shocked and angry (probably on my behalf). Ron's face has paled to the point where his freckles stand out starkly against his face.

I can feel my hands shaking, I have had Mum mad at me plenty of times (mostly for dumb things) but never has she been this angry with me. Maybe it has finally come to the point when she will not be able to return from. Just the idea of her finding out any of the things and horrors that we have been through makes me sick. Would she be even able to look at me then… not that she can look at me much now because of how angry she is.

"How are we supposed to find jobs?" Ron says finally breaking the eerie silence that has fallen over the kitchen.

"Well I don't know Ronald, you probably should have thought about that before you decided to quit school." Mum says calmly now, but there is a layer of ice in her tone. I close my eyes for a moment and try to steady my frayed nerves. The kitchen remains silent even after Mum leaves the room. Ariana gives my hand another squeeze as if to reassure me.

* * *

Deciding not to test Mum any more for the day Ron and I Apparate to the Leaky Cauldron right inside the doorway so as to avoid Muggles giving us strange looks for suddenly appearing out of nowhere. I'm slightly saddened about my day with Ariana ending so soon, but the threat of more problems at home with Mum is enough to make me go out into the world again and see by some hope if I can manage to get a job somewhere.

"I still can't believe that she's throwing us to the bleedin' wolves! We're her children for crying out loud, after what we've been through you'd think she'd want to protect us." Ron cries pushing open the door into the tavern. It looks a little different since the last time that I was in it. The tables have been replaced and the walls now have a fresh coat of paint of them, though there really is no way of taking the old, dim, pub aura away from the place.

Surprisingly Tom isn't behind the bar, I can't actually see anyone there. I glance around the place and see a wizard and a witch here and there but otherwise the place seems pretty abandoned.

"It's almost as if it's still wartime in here." I say not liking the vibe of the place at the moment.

"Well that's because you happen to be here at the worst time for drinking. The real partiers don't come in until at least eight, and the only ones usually here at this hour are the retired lot and the lot addicted to the sauce. You two on the other hand look neither." A voice calls out from behind the bar. Ron does a double take because the voice is female, and the last time we ever checked there was never a female working here before.

I swing my gaze round to the bar where a woman has appeared. She's leaning against the bar top with a dirty rag draped over her shoulder. Her black hair has an almost bluish tint in the lighting of the bar, and I can see from here the smirk that's planted on her face.

"You work here?" Ron asks incredulously, and the two of us move to the bar. Things really have changed around here I guess.

"I have to admit that I'm rather shocked to see some of the members of the 'Golden Quartet' around here. No one has really seen the lot of you since the 'Day of Liberation' or whatever junk the Prophet likes to spew these days." The woman says picking up a mug and cleaning it almost mechanically with the rag.

Upon closer look I see that the woman's eyes are a light hazel color, and that she has a scar above her right eye that cuts through her eyebrow. It's healed but I can imagine that at the time it must have been painful and she wasn't able to heal it magically. I resist the urge to run my finger over my own permanent scars on my left hand.

"Does Tom not own the Leaky Cauldron anymore?" I ask slightly worried for the grizzled old man who has been here for as long as I have been alive.

"Sure does, he just has other things that he believes needs doing. If you survive two wars like he has I guess that you just feel the need to live a little, Carpe Diem and all that." She says setting the glass down, before biting her lip. "Or, he could be avoiding Hannah. That would be another good use of his time."

"Hannah?" Ron asks still looking confused at this whole situation. This pub has been a man's pub for as long as we can remember yet here is a young woman manning the bar and no one is seeming to even bat an eye.

"You lot should know her. Hannah Abbot. Tom hired her on after she graduated. I'm sure that he's wishing he fired her now— she keeps bugging him about updating the place, making it so that more people would want to come here for food and drink, and stay upstairs." She explains. Well Ariana never told me that Hannah ended up here.

"And, you? How'd you end up here?" I ask my curiosity getting the better of me.

"Well, Tom needed help during the war. Even though most of the regulars were scared away, killed, or in hiding, this place became a rather familiar haunt for the Deathies. No one would hire on and Tom was stuck with more than he could handle, so I decided, what the heck? I accepted his position. I'm a tough girl, I could handle myself —and I did." She says. I can't help but be impressed by the woman in front of me.

She was able to face down a whole bar of Death Eaters at what could have been multiple occasions and lived to speak about it? I don't think that even I could do that, and I've fought them in combat.

"Bloody hell..." Ron breathes, looking as shocked as I am.

"That's crazy…" I trail off realizing that I don't know her name. She catches on quick with an easy grin.

"Name's Arden— Arden Willows. Barkeep at this here fine establishment." She says with a quick but eloquent bow.

"I'm guessing that you know our names already Arden." I state running my fingers nervously against the wood of the bar.

"I'd have had to be living under a rock, in a cave, on the side of the Himalayas to not have, and I would have thought that my being in enemy occupied territory would be hint enough. Jamie Pendragon and Ronald Weasley—" Arden drawls.

"It's Ron." Ron grumbles not pleased that people seem to be going by his given long name.

"So anyway, what can I do you for?" Arden finishes like Ron never opened his mouth to begin with.

"It's a long story." Ron says quickly before I can even open my mouth. Arden looks around the pub, and then back at us.

"Not like I'm going anywhere. Work isn't the most demanding at the moment." She replies lounging back down against the bar. I can see curiosity flashing in her eyes.

I'm not quite sure what her intentions are yet, but anyone who can work in a bar of Death Eaters and make it out alive has my vote.

"How do we know you weren't a sympathizer?" Ron demands. I flick my gaze nervously to him. I can see that he's already ready and twitching for his wand now. It was okay to have friendly chat, but anything personal sets off alarms for him. I know that he's scared, he just has a hard time showing it.

"A sympathizer? I'll have you know that my dad was a muggle born and my mum a muggle herself. This scar here was a lesson that I was given at the hands of Dolohov for not minding my place in life or watching my words." Arden says pointing at the scar above her eye that I saw earlier. "Only reason I escaped the registration committee is because I am a half blood technically and my father died before the new laws came in place."

I close my eyes for a moment trying to fight back the wave of guilt that's coming over me. We weren't the only people who suffered through this war. There were many people who had problems the same as us or worse in some cases.

"You'll have to excuse my brother. Sometimes it gets easy to forget that you weren't the only one personally affected by the war." I apologize, gripping the bar top tighter in my hands. Arden leans back and crosses her arms over her chest.

"It's fine… people have hard times getting out of their own heads. I know." She says before pulling two mugs out from underneath the bar. She goes over to the tap and fills the two glasses with an amber colored liquid that has plenty of foam on the top. She sets them down in front of both of us. Robotically I lift the mug to my lips and am surprised when I notice that it isn't alcohol but Butterbeer.

"Butterbeer?" I question raising my eyebrow at the barkeep. Arden just raises a brow in return and levels me a look.

"You're both too young to be drowning your sorrows away in grog." Arden says simply.

"We're legal." Ron mutters but gulps the beer anyway. I watch slightly worriedly as he downs the drink and slaps some sickles down on the counter. "Love to stay and chat, but many places to go and beg for a job from. Jamie?" Ron says looking at me expectantly. I glance down at my still nearly full cup and wave him off.

"You go ahead. I'll meet up with you later." I tell him. Ron gives me a look that is painfully clear that he doesn't like the idea of us splitting up at all. Part of me is scared at the prospect of being alone, but I am an adult now. I'm going to have to get used to being by myself if I expect to survive in this world.

"Fine. I'll see you in two hours back here. If you're not here I'm messaging Mum." With that Ron disappears out back so that he can enter Diagon Alley. Sighing I reach down for my mug again, forgetting for a moment that I'm not alone.

"Well he's an intense one." Arden says going back to leaning against the bar top since it's only the two of us again.

"He usually isn't. Things change though… it's hard to not still be on edge." I mention finally looking up again from my mug.

"I can imagine. So, out of curiosity what brings you out today?" She asks. I glance around the pub again and see that the few patrons that are in here are seemingly content to talk quietly amongst themselves or stare into their drinks absently.

"A job." I say simply. Arden raises her eyebrow again at that. I shake my head slowly and drink again from my now quickly disappearing mug.

"Not going back to school then?" She asks casually. I look up sharply wondering how she can know this much about our situation.

"Is it really that obvious?" I cringe unsure how I feel about everyone suddenly knowing about my business.

"You do happen to be one of the four 'Golden Heroes'. People talk, and they make up things just as much as they talk. But no, I heard this from your brothers." Arden says a slight grin on her face.

"My brothers? You mean Fred and George?" I ask slightly shocked that my world seems to exist of people in a few degrees of separation.

"Know them, befriend them. They are legends around Diagon Alley with their resistance to Voldemort. George helped me out with a shipping snafu of some dark magic items that the deathies wanted for the pub, and Fred helped me out with an attempted mugging in Knockturn Alley." Arden lists, a fond smile on her face.

"That does sound like them." I reply with an easy grin.

"Well Fred provided an excellent distraction so that I could nail the bastard in the head with a two-by-four." Arden smiles at my bemused expression. "I was raised around muggles, sometimes the best way to handle a problem is the old-fashioned way with your might instead of your magic."

"Sounds like you did just fine for yourself in the war." I muse, fiddling with the mug in my hands.

"It wasn't all sunshine, but we managed… you know I'm pretty sure that if you want Tom will hire you to work here at the bar. Might be a good way to ease back into the world." Arden suggests. I nearly knock over the mug.

"What makes you so sure that I'm getting back into the world? And why'd you think he'd hire me when I have no experience?" I stutter not quite sure how this is all coming about so suddenly.

"For one you're a Pendragon and the true heir to Arthur Pendragon. People did notice that you wielded Excalibur at the final battle. Second, you would provide some notoriety to this pub and get some more people to come back again— as much as that sucks. Lastly, I used to have the same look that's on your face right now." There is a sure and clear gleam in her eyes making them almost seem green.

I swallow around the lump in my throat and divert my eyes from Arden. There's a buried pain that I can see in her eyes that still shines. I get the feeling that she knows about pain as well.

"I-is he here? Tom…" I ask. Arden moves back, and makes her way out from behind the bar. She leads me round to the other side and to a door.

"Oi! No sneaking round the bar and giving yourself another round! I have eyes in the back of my head, and I'm all knowing. That means you Gary!" Arden shouts to the few patrons and mumbled cursing comes from the lot. "Got ta keep them in line somehow."

I can't help but shake my head at her. I can't decide exactly what this woman exactly is since she acts so brashly and just generally strong, that I can't decide if she's incredibly brave or just doesn't give a shit. She leads me up the stairs and at the top is a half open door. Arden pushes through without even knocking.

The room is small and cramped with files and papers strewn about. Tom looks even older than all the other times that I've seen him. His hair is beginning to look more white than silver, and he looks almost downright exhausted. "Is she with you? Please tell me no. I don't think that I can handle another minute of lemon yellow or canary cream paint." Tom moans rubbing his hands over his face.

"Nah, she's still on lunch break. Something about not being able to stand the food here any longer. I brought you something much better though." Arden says, before stepping aside to reveal me to Tom. "Jamie Pendragon would like a job here. We could always use extra help when the night time rolls round, and the holier than thou group arrives."

Tom does a double take when he sees me, and awkwardly rises to his feet. "Its been a long time Ms. Pendragon." He says in a strangled formal tone.

"Well things did get rather hectic around here didn't they." I say softly. "And please call me Jamie." Tom nods his head and wearily lowers himself back into his seat.

"You want a job here? There are plenty of places that are far better for one like you." He says looking puzzled about why I would want to work here. Honestly, I'm not so sure myself, but maybe this is just the thing that I need to slowly get myself back out there. Mum did only say that I had to get employed.

"Tom I can't go back to school and honestly I don't really want to work anywhere else. I swear that I'll work hard and learn fast. I'm quicker on my feet than I ever was with a book. Just give me a chance." I say, all but resorting to begging at the end. All that does is just make the old bar owner even more bewildered.

"I still don't see why you'd want to work here, but if you insist then who am I to turn you away?" Tom replies.

"Told you he'd take you." Arden states with a smirk on her face. Tom clears his throat and start pulling some papers out of a random stack on his pile.

"The job'll be working as a waitress and barkeep if we need it. The place does shockingly get busy at night, especially on the weekends. Unfortunately, I'll only be able to give you the minimum wage, since things are still tight since the war. I hope that's fine." Tom explains shoving papers at me to sign, stating my employment.

I nod my head and sign all the papers, still shocked that I've actually managed to get this job— Merlin any job. "It's fine. I said I was willing to do anything." I confirm singing the last of the papers. Tom looks them all over with a nod and gives me a weak smile.

"You'll now be working with Hannah as well. I hope you do know what you just signed up for. Merlin knows that I didn't…" He moans, and Arden pushes me back to the stairs by my shoulders. "You can start tomorrow!" Tom calls at our backs. I manage a wave back at him before we disappear back into the pub. Arden does a quick scan of the bar and the patrons and nods satisfied when no one's glass looks any fuller.

"Seems like we'll be seeing more of each other." She says as she slips back into the post behind the slab.

"Seems like it… is Hannah really that bad to deal with?" I question not quite able to picture her as being that horrifying to work with.

"She's a sweet girl, but she's a little— tightly wound if you get my drift. The only one left of us that you'll have to meet is Monty our cook, but he doesn't come in until three to start preparation for the evening. He's already irritable enough taking care of breakfast now that we've got long term guests." Arden says with a roll of her eyes.

Arden spends the rest of the time I have waiting for my brother explaining what exactly I'll have to be doing around here. Hannah came back from her lunch, and even though Arden introduces me as the new employee, she just nods absently and hurries upstairs to the office. I almost think that I can make out a whimper from Tom before I hear the door close.

A little bit after the two hours are up Ron appears back in the pub with a dour look on his face, and an apron clenched in his fist. "Well how'd it go?" I ask him, half excited and half worried. His face reddens a little so I can tell that he already feels embarrassed.

"Well Quality Quidditch Supplies wouldn't take me after I knocked over a stack of broom cleaning kits, and at the Emporium one of those blasted Kneazles scratched me!" Ron grumbles.

"And…" I prompt trying to get him to just tell me, so that we can go home.

"Well, Florean offered me a job." He admits. I can't help but have a smile twitch at my lips.

"You got a job at the ice cream parlor? Well, that's rather brave during the summer… does this mean that I get a discount now?" I chuckle, and catch myself after Ron shoves me in the arm.

"Yeah well at least it's a job. What about you?" Ron asks, swinging his apron around. I spread my arms wide indicating the pub.

"I got a job here. Apparently, the Leaky Cauldron needed a waitress and a back-up barkeep." I say. Ron is silent for all of three seconds before he groans.

"Good luck telling Mum this." He says before starting towards the door so that we can leave.

"Hey, she said that I needed to get a job. She never specified what type of job. Besides… I think that I need to get used to— living again." I mutter before grabbing my brother's arm and twisting in place. With a loud CRACK the world fades to black.

* * *

It isn't until later in that day that I am able to find Mum so that I can talk with her. I know that she won't be entirely happy that I found a job, for I know that she's really hoping that I will change my mind and go back to school instead. Dad said that her insistence is for she wants her children to have a better life than she did. Honestly, I don't see how she didn't have the best life, for she is surrounded by so many people and so much love that sometimes I still have a hard time wrapping my head around it.

She's the first person to open her heart up to me who wasn't a male. Kingsley tried his best but he was never going to be a mother and Molly Weasley took on the motherly role for me since I was twelve. I may not be the best with my emotions, but having the woman who has come to be my mother— who has loved me enough to make it legally so, be so upset with me is hard.

As if there weren't already enough negative emotions swirling around in my head we had to add these on top of them. I find her in her room sitting on her bed and looking dejectedly down at a photo album. I stand there for a few seconds trying to work up the nerve to go over to her. A large part of me is still worried about being rejected by her after this conversation.

Before I can talk myself out of it, I reach out and rap my knuckles against the doorframe. Mum's head jolts up from the album and I see her wipe a tear away from her face, before composing herself. She doesn't say anything, but I know that's as much of an invitation as I'm going to get.

I've never really been in my parents' room before. It was by far the biggest bedroom in the house, but not by much. A worn patchwork quilt is draped over the bed, and on the dresser, are dozens of photos. I'm surprised when I find an old baby photo of Luka and me amongst the rest.

"Kingsley gave us copies. He wanted us to know what our children looked like when they were little. Before they grew up into the adults that we know yet can hardly recognize." Mum says, her voice breaking softly. I swallow heavily and turn my gaze back to my mother. "We have more of them. I made them into a special album, so that you'll always be a part of the family."

"Mum…" I say, but can't find the words for anything else, like it's been between the two of us for these past few weeks. She pats the bed next to her, and I lower myself down slowly, my mind and heart fighting with me about what to say.

"It's hard to believe that you only became mine over two years ago now… it feels like so much longer." Mum says, slowly closing the album in her lap.

"Almost a lifetime ago." I reply keeping my gaze on my hands. That is until Mum is cupping my chin and raising my face up so that I have no choice but to meet her gaze.

"I can't help but feel that you're slipping through my grasp." She tells me, and I can see all the worry in her eyes.

"I'm still here though… I'm trying." I say, trying to put as much earnestness into my words as possible. I can't help that the hurt pushes past most everything.

"I know… which is what makes all of this a thousand times more painful. There's nothing worse for a mother than when they know their children are hurting, and that they can't help them." Mum says, and I can see the shine of tears in her eyes, that she won't let fall.

"I-I got a job." I burst out. Mum looks shocked… more shocked than I've seen her in a while. "It's not a fancy job— it doesn't pay much, and the work will be hard, but I still got a job." There is silence for a few seconds following my proclamation.

"You got a job." She breathes, sounding like she doesn't quite believe it.

"I'll be working in the Leaky Cauldron as a waitress and when they need it a barkeep. Tom hired me and I was able to meet most of the staff. The barkeep's name is Arden Willows, she knows Fred and George, and then surprisingly Hannah Abbot is working there as well." I ramble nervously.

"You're going to work in a tavern?" Mum says with a look of mild horror on her face.

"I'm going to work for a living. You said that we needed to get jobs, and I got a job. Besides, it might help me get used to being back in the real world." I state.

"Just tell me why you can't go back to school. You only have one year left, and I'm sure that you haven't forgotten all that much since you were last there. You'll still have your sister and Hermione. If it's Ariana that's keeping you from going I'm sure that she could see you on Hogsmeade weekends, and during the holidays. A year really isn't that—" I cut her off.

"No! Mum— you don't understand. I-I don't feel safe there… not like I used to. All I can see is blood and destruction, and feel all the pain that happened there, some of it that I caused. They rebuilt the castle, but I still see it, it haunts me everywhere I go…" I moan, feeling the rising sensation of turmoil, mixed with a little bit of nausea.

"At least here— at home I feel somewhat safe. You're here, Dad's here, Ron's here, Luka's here, Ginny's still here for a while, and Ariana is around to help. At least you're here to remind me that I'm not back there! I haven't felt safe in a really long time… and I really, really need to feel safe… because I'm not sure how much more that I can take…"

Mum's arms are around me before I can finish speaking. Somewhere in my rant I had started crying and I hadn't even realized it. My body was shuddering with hard almost violent sobs, that tear at me painfully. Is this ever going to stop? Is this feeling… is it ever going to go away? Should I be better by now? Am I just broken?

"Oh, my girl… oh my poor sweet girl. What are we going to do with you? Shh… there, there. Let it all out, it's okay now, no need to fuss. You don't need to go back… I-I understand now. We'll get through this… it'll get better." Mum coos, trying to get me to calm down. As horrible as I feel, there is a weight lifted off my shoulders. Mum is not angry at me anymore, and I was able to get a little of the oppressive feeling off my chest.

* * *

Later that night I'm tucked in bed being held by my greatest gift. Mum had owled Ariana and invited her back over again to spend the night. Apparently, she decided that for once my need for comfort and safety overrode her suspicion that we would try something once alone. It didn't help to point out that since Ginny was still here that we would never truly be alone.

Mum also didn't know that Ariana and I were nowhere near ready to be intimate again, and that we would never violate Ginny's trust and space that way by doing it while she was in the same room as us. This was just purely a need. A need to be held and reminded that even though your mind might still be an active warzone, that there is peace and love waiting for you.

The soft kisses and the fingers running through my hair reminds me of that.

"So, you got a job. I'm proud of you Pendragon, this is a big step." Ariana whispers, tightening her grip around my middle.

"I'm going to try… no promises on if it works out or not." I whisper back, trying to not wake Ginny up. There is no reason to wake the bear up if not necessary.

"That's a big step in the right direction Jame. I'll have to come and see you working away. I do happen to get hour lunch breaks." She replies before placing a kiss behind my ear. I shiver happily under her touch.

"They don't have anyone in the kitchen at lunch." I respond regretfully. Seeing Ariana during the day, if only for a little while would be spectacular.

"Well then I'll just have to pick something up before I show up. I'll buy a drink to keep them happy if they won't let me stay." Ariana chuckles slightly, before shifting a little closer.

"I happen to know that the barkeep does serve a mean Butterbeer." I yawn, before my eyes start drifting closed.

"Get some sleep love, because tomorrow is going to be a day filled with a new adventure, and this one… I think you're up for it." Ariana says through a yawn of her own. I can only hope that she's right, as I drift off to sleep feeling safe and protected if not a little bit nervous.


	4. The Real World Sucks

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is J.K. Rowling's. Except Jamie, Luka, and Ariana.

AN: Hey everyone! So sorry for the long time with no post. I have been really busy with my senior thesis, and it is almost getting there. The creative processes were stifled there for a long time, and I thought that Jamie, Ariana, and the rest deserved my absolute best. So, I'm sorry if anyone got discouraged that this story was gone for good. Thank you for still sticking with me and Jamie. Currently the next chapter is in progress. -99bottlestogo

* * *

Chapter 4- The Real World Sucks

So not everything is how I expected it would be. I thought that I would feel freer, not having the weight of the mandate to go back to school hanging over me. If anything, expected that I could move on finally, now that I have a new routine to fall into. I guess that's too much to ask for anyone really. I cover a yawn as I lean heavily against the bar top fighting to keep my eyes awake.

"You know, they didn't give you the morning shift. It's almost noon, you should be downright spritely by now." Arden says, her hazel eyes sparkling playfully. I look up from my position feeling like my eyes are weighed down by tiny bricks.

"Yeah well some of us find sleep to be rather elusive nowadays." I grumble in return before running my hands over my face, and wishing that the shower that I had earlier this morning before I showed up would have woken me up some more. Just because I can't sleep it doesn't mean that sleep comes calling at the worst of times.

"Not like I don't understand and all that, but order up. Reality sucks and it's come calling louder than a howler." Arden replies sliding a tray full of greasy food that I can half identify towards me, along with another flagon of beer. "Table eight in the back."

With a sigh, I heft the food with minor trouble and make my way across the floor. After a little more than a week and a half of doing this job, I'm beginning to feel confident in my skills as being bar staff for the rest of my life. Problem is I don't see it as something that I can stand doing forever.

I approach the table and paste the biggest most genuine smile onto my face. Even if things are still horrible and fighting to get back to normal, other people don't have to be privy.

"Here you go gents." I say placing the plate thankfully in front of their right owners and set the mug down in the middle. I turn away before any other chance at conversation can be initiated. Most times its harmless, but some people like to badger on about things that should better be left alone.

Before I can make my way back to my position in front of the bar and ready for round two with Arden, a woman steps into my path blocking my view. Instantly I seize up and grip my tray tight. With the looks of a Glamour Witch magazine girl you'd never expect her to be the equivalent to the vile toad like Umbridge. She still isn't the prettiest woman I've seen though (Ariana will always hold that role), and she isn't even up to the unobtainable perfection of my sister-in-law Fleur.

No, her hair is a lustrous black with blue eyes that remind me of ice chips half the time she stares at me. I know that she is quite a bit older than me, but something about the girlish way in which she acts at times almost lulls people at ease (probably her greatest weapon).

"Jamie, rather fortuitous to bump into you here!" She says with a bright smile on her face. She's an inch or so shorter than me, and I'm surprised to see that for every time I've seen her she's been in heels. I can't help but cough a little to conceal the scoff that threatened to break through.

"Well I work here, and you temporarily live here, so…" I trail off leaving her to connect the rest of the dots.

"Still, I have been beginning to wonder if you have been dodging all attempts to meet with me. I haven't had so much as a reply owl with your time of availability for the debrief." I grimace at her faux worried look.

This is part of what my life has become. Avoiding Amelia Ford the ICW Inquisitor about the war. She's been getting pretty upset lately about the increasing denials to her request and sometimes demand that Harry, Hermione, Ron, and I be debriefed. The thought of sitting down and telling someone about war time still sickens me.

Harry hasn't been seen or heard from since he found out about the prying from the rest of the world. Even perfect rule abiding Hermione refused to participate after she heard the suggestions (surprisingly) from my brother Percy that the ICW could be looking for any wrongdoing on our parts in the interviews.

That just makes my will at that smaller to participate in this conversation which (unfortunately I've been stuck in quite a lot).

"There's nothing to talk about." I say gruffly and maneuver myself around the woman and up to the bar trying my best not to break the flimsy plastic tray. Arden has her brow furrowed worriedly at me, and the inquisitor. It doesn't take the witch nearly as long as I'd like to follow.

"That's where you and your friends are wrong Pendragon. There is a lot that needs to be talked over. Almost a whole year of time where nobody can account for your whereabouts except for your friends and a bunch of people who won't be telling any more tales. The world wants answers, and there's no pushing them away forever. So, I suggest that you do the wise thing, and tell me willingly now, before you don't have a choice in doing so later, for I promise that that option will not be pleasant for you at all." Amelia threatens.

It must go to show all that I have been through to not find the American Inquisitor's threat all that worrisome. She hardly ranks high on fearsome people in my life, ghosts that haunt me still are far worse than her.

"Excuse me Inquisitor, but I don't believe that threatening British citizens falls under your purview. Besides, Bailey is wanting you back at the office. Your lunch break ended two hours ago, and you've yet to return— more papers to preside over I presume." A voice says before anyone can respond.

Ford's face turns an ugly red color and to me it's like she swells up to the size of an indignant parrot. I can't help but cast a relieved glance at my knight in shining work robes.

"I don't believe that this is your conversation Dumbledore." Ford bites out, looking about three seconds away from murder.

"Oh, but it is when it's a citizen you are threatening who also happens to be a national hero. Plus, it doesn't hurt that that's my girlfriend as well. I don't care how high up in the ICW you are, that doesn't make you above reporting and I'm not afraid of you like others." Ariana says with a fierce and unimpressed look on her face.

I have never felt a stronger flood of love for my girlfriend than at this very moment. A soft whistle comes from Arden. "That is some woman you got their mate." She says with an impressed look on her face. If only for a moment I think that I catch something like sorrow or regret in her eyes as well, but then it's gone.

"Don't I know it." I murmur, my eyes shooting back to the confrontation in front of me.

"I don't know what game you think you're playing here Dumbledore, but you best butt out and leave the work to the adults. The last thing your Ministry needs is a bunch of children running amuck." Ford growls straightening up. A muscle is jumping in her jaw and the knuckles on her hands are white from being clenched into fists.

"Good thing I'm of age then." Ariana replies coolly not even batting an eye at the threat that Inquisitor Ford is. There is a tense silence between the pair for a moment before the Inquisitor huffs and stalks to the back of the pub so that she can return back to work.

The tension in the air breaks as soon as the door is shut, and worried brown eyes are locked with mine.

"Are you okay love?" she asks me softly sidling up to my side. I smile at my girlfriend with what I hope she can see is all my love.

"Better now that you're here." I return with a lopsided grin.

"It's sickening how sweet you two are together. I would complain more, but it's actually something nice to see." Arden says slapping two mugs down onto the bar and starts filling them up with butter beer.

"I'm just glad I arrived when I did. You really should report her Jamie. She's been nothing but a nuisance, and I know that her bosses are getting mad at her for not producing more results in her investigation." Ariana says slipping onto a stool at the bar. Without prompting Arden pulls out a menu and drops it in front of her.

This may be the second time that my girlfriend has found her way down to the Leaky Cauldron for lunch.

"I'm going to leave it be for the time being. I have nothing to say to her and that's not going to change anytime soon." I mutter taking a sip of the cup of water that Arden keeps for me behind the bar.

"You should see when Ron is in here and that hag bothers him. He explodes all over the place. I'm partially thinking that he just gets worse when she tries to rope Miss. Granger into the conversation." Arden says wiping down a mug with her rag. I grimace at the memory.

Things have not been running all that smoothly since the end of the war for some couples. Ron and Hermione have seemingly hit a rocky patch. They're moodier and snap more often when they're around each other. Mostly I try and stay away from them when they are like that since it always seems to get worse when someone else is in the room.

"I'll take the fish and chips with a butterbeer if you will. Still on the job." Ariana chuckles pushing the menu back to Arden who grins at her and turns back to the kitchen.

"Did you sleep at all last night?" Ariana asks softly. I glance at her and nervously fix the small apron that Hannah makes me wear.

"Few hours. I was doing pretty well until I heard Ron screaming. It doesn't happen much, but sometimes he has these really vivid memories of being splinched… and… and w-what happened to Mione." I mutter not too keen on recounting those days.

"You all don't deserve this. You shouldn't have to deal with bad things again after everything that you've been through." Ariana sighs, running her hands over her eyes.

"But what about you? I want to know how work's going for you! I'm thrilled that you have something more interesting to talk about than how quick Mr. Roffet will pass out after coming to drink." I quickly say not wanting to stay on that topic any longer.

"Good. Great really, but everything is just so hectic. The amount of damage that was done during the war was intense. Almost entire departments are having to rebuild from scratch. I've been working with the French Ministry of Magic mostly. It's nice to know a familiar face in Monsieur Delacour. When we take a break, he checks in on Fleur. Plus, it's an easy way to pass along messages from Gabrielle to Luka." I roll my eyes at the last part.

"So that's still going strong…" I say rubbing my eyes, the fatigue I felt from earlier coming back stronger.

"Its sweet Jame. It's good that Luka's finally found someone he can relate to." Ariana says, flashing a grin at Arden as she sets the plate of food in front of her.

"Long distance relationships suck." Arden comments wiping down the bar on the other side of us.

"Oh?" I query interested in what she has to see, because for all the talk Arden has sparsely revealed much personal information about herself.

"Yeah tried that once, it was a mistake. Not three days in and the hormones were too much for them to take." Arden smiles grimly, her eyes distant as if she's seeing something entirely different than the drab bar.

I can't help but feel my cheeks heat slightly at the implication. "Well they weren't right for you then." Ariana says sufficiently after swallowing a bite.

"Thanks, but that's ancient history now. All we have to worry about now is Monty threatening to quit since Hannah is demanding that we be offering food at all hours of the day." Arden shrugs her shoulders, and very faintly you can hear some very select curse words floating out from the kitchen.

"Have you heard much from Hermione since that dinner?" I ask Ariana turning my attention back to my girlfriend as I absently steal one of her chips from her plate. Ariana takes a sip of her butterbeer and shakes her head.

"Not much really. All I can remember is that she was going back to undo all of the enchantments that she placed on her parents. I don't want to know how challenging all of that had to be. Why?" Ariana responds. I shrug my shoulders and rub the back of my neck.

"Just Ron is all… he's gotten downright cross the last few days. I was thinking that it had to be something to do with her, or the fact that we still haven't heard from Harry." I say glancing towards the back entrance expecting to see Ron coming through the door soon.

Since he's still strapped for cash, he comes to the pub a lot for food since I have an employee discount. Ariana sighs and Arden looks to be more interested in the conversation now.

"I honestly hope for the best with them. It would be devastating to have two people who fought so hardtop be together drift apart." Ariana sighs. I reach out and grab her hand, for I know that there was a point where she had to be worried about the two of us.

"I know that I don't know all of you that well, but to survive what you all went through, I'm sure that things will start to fall in place. The world isn't shitty enough to deny that to people, at least I hope so." Arden says, a serious look comes across her face.

"I think we've all been through a lot." Ariana says finishing up the rest of her food, before checking her watch and heaving a sigh.

"I wish that I could stay for longer, but things really are hectic at work, I'm lucky that they let me even have lunch." She pushes away from the bar, and I can't refrain from reaching out and wrapping my arms around her.

"Will I see you tonight?" I ask softly whispering into her ear. Ariana's grip on me tightened for a moment.

"Maybe, I have to see grandmother before the school year starts up again. There is a lot of pressure to have this year be perfect, because of all the things that happened last year." Ariana says before finally pulling away.

"Well, tell her that I say hello, and that I hope that everything is going okay, and that I'm sorry that I'm not returning to school this year." I ramble, suddenly nervous. Ariana flashes that smile at me and cups my cheek softly before leaning in for a kiss.

"Love, grandmother understands why you're not coming back. She wants the best for you the same that I do. That's never going to change, I guarantee that. Now, I got to run. Thanks for the food see you 'round Arden!" Ariana says before pulling away, and hurrying out the back door, and back to work.

"You really do got a good one there Pendragon." Arden says before putting a flight of drinks in front of me. "Table six."

"You have no idea." I breathe before getting back into the swing of my new job. Time blurs by for a while, and before I know it is see the slumped over figure of Ron in a set of pastel green colored robes, his horribly clashing red hair laying down on the bar top in front of Arden.

She looks mildly amused by the state that my brother is in. "Rough day is it?" I ask coming to a stop next to him.

"They're everywhere. I don't remember there being that many of us when we were that age." Ron groans from the depths of the bar top.

"Many what?" I question, not one hundred percent focused on his line of thought.

"The kids." Arden snickers, setting down yet another trusty mug of butterbeer in front of Ron.

"Oh, well you did know that that was what you were getting into when you signed up for the job yeah?" I state, not sure what type of mood that he's in.

"Yeah, well Jamie it wasn't like everywhere was just jumping to hire me. Mum had to go and take Fred and George off the table knowing that, they would have actually given us jobs that we would be good at." Ron grouses taking a long pull of the drink.

"Hey, I think I'm getting the hang of the whole barmaid thing, it's not too bad. Besides, mum really wanted us to go back to school, and we're not. Come Friday it will be Ginny and Hermione getting back on that train and not us." I state, realizing a second too late that I've really put my foot in it this time.

"Yeah well that's her bloody choice to go back there isn't it? She doesn't seem to even care that I won't be back there. School is more important, that place, those memories are more important." Ron all but snarls bringing his gaze to meet mine finally. I am faced with the black bags underneath his blue eyes, and I can tell that he's still not doing well.

None of us are, but most days we're at least a little bit better at hiding our issues than this. "Ron… she's not abandoning you. You know Hermione, school has always been her first priority, remember we used to joke about it being her first love?" I ask, trying to get him to come around to this new direction that our lives are taking.

"I am her love though! She said that she loved me, we survived war together!" Ron says beginning to raise his voice. I glance at Arden, and she sort of shrugs her shoulders at me, though there is now a tenseness in the air. I can see that we're gathering the attention of the other patrons now.

"And I don't think that means that she cares about you any less. That war— what we went through… it changed us. Do you really want to take away one of the only places that she feels safe still?" I demand, grabbing his arm and facing him back to the bar, so that we can try and contain this public nightmare.

"How could she ever feel safe there again? Harry—"

"Harry doesn't feel safe anywhere now, and you know that." I finish Ron's thought. Ron and I lock gazes for a long moment, and I can see just how much this new pseudo isolation, and time is getting to him. We weren't prepared to fight a war, any more than we were prepared to get thrown headfirst into being legal adults.

"If only she would at least talk to me… I send owls but never a response, she's as elusive as Harry." Ron sighs downing the rest of his drink, making my eyes widen a little, worried at the skill and the ease in which he was able to drink.

"Why didn't you tell me that?" I ask softly. Ron turns his gaze to me and I can see that his blue eyes are beginning to grow bloodshot.

"Oh yeah, and when am I supposed to find the time to talk to you. If you're not working, you're preoccupied with your own messed up head, and counting down the minutes until you can see Ariana again." Ron states loudly, and I jump slightly at the volume change.

"Ron…" I try to find something to say, but before I can, he's out of his chair and storming back out the way he came in. The sigh that escapes me is heavy and weary. "I just can't seem to do anything right anymore."

"It's not your fault you know. Traumatic incidents, they mess with everyone's head. At least that what my mum told me. You can't help others before you help yourself." Arden says taking away Ron's half-finished drink.

"She sounds like a sage." I grumble, suddenly far too tired for this day.

"No, just a psychiatrist." Arden replies with a grin. I'm confused, and she breaks out into a cheery little laugh. The pace of the pub picks up again as customers start coming in after their work day is over. My shift doesn't end until seven, so I'm stuck being the only waitress, until Arden gets freed up, or Hannah decides to show up magically and actually help out with the grunt work.

I'm pretty proud of myself for only spilling a little bit of beer for a big order, and making no mistakes with the delivery of all the food in the last rush of people. I turn around to go back to the bar to rest for a second, and I see something that I wasn't quite expecting to see.

Arden has a soft smile on her face, and a slight blush on her cheeks, as she wrings out a rag. A man is leaning against the bar top across from her. The man has a mop of curly brown hair, and a pair of deep brown eyes to match them peeking out from behind a pair of glasses. He doesn't look like he can be much older than Arden at the latest.

I approach the pair slowly unsure if I should be worried about interrupting anything. Arden sees me before the man does. "Oh, Jamie! You've got to meet Felix. See Fe, I told you that I was working with Jamie Pendragon. Pay up!" She demands shoving him in the shoulder lightly and holding out her hand to him.

The man— Felix grumbles some, but reaches into his pocket anyway and pulls out a few galleons. "That's the last time I ever bet with you." He mutters, but I can see it in the set of his face and his eyes that he's more amused about the situation than anything else.

"H-hello Felix." I say unsure of who exactly the man is.

"Pleasure to meet you Ms. Pendragon, my name is Felix Corson." He introduces himself. I nod my head still unsure of who he really is when Arden butts in again, her hazel eyes alight with excitement.

"He's my boyfriend." She supplies. It makes sense then, how close the two of them seem to be. I hadn't heard her speak of him before. The most that I knew about Arden coming from the small bits of information that she volunteered about herself.

"Oh, well it is nice to meet you then Felix. Sorry about the hesitation." I say trying to downplay the fact that I hadn't even heard of the bloke before then.

"S'okay, I know Arden doesn't like to talk much about herself. I believe that she likes to be heralded as a woman of mystery and all that." Felix says with an easy grin on his face. I can see that there is definitely chemistry between him and Arden, but now that I'm here there seems to be an edge of unease about her, like she wasn't ready for me to be there for find out about them.

"Just because you like to be as open as a book to people, that doesn't mean that everyone else has to. I just have a healthy dose of self-preservation is all. We did just survive through a war after all." She snaps and turns away to quickly fill a drink order that a patron has requested. Felix sighs, and turns his gaze back on me, and I shift under the scrutiny.

"Say, we should get to know each other better. I know of a club that Arden's mentioned a few times. We should all go out for drinks this weekend. You can bring along your girlfriend." Felix stops to chuckle at the dumbfounded look on my face. "Honestly there isn't much that people don't know about you heroes anymore. Like I said. Bring her along, it will be a blast. Now I have to try and wrest my girlfriend, out from the bar so that we can be on our way. There is seldom a free night that we have together and I am determined to make this one a date." I can only blink and watch as the man turns away.

Social skills aren't my forte, but then again, I have never been pretty much voluntold, that I was going to go out to a club and that my girlfriend should come along with me. The rest of my shift passes in a blur. Felix finally manages to get Arden to leave work a half hour after he started his attempt, and Hannah comes huffing down the stairs to take over Arden's position behind the bar.

There's some slightly awkward conversation between the two of us. Hannah has always been more of Ariana's friend than she's ever been mine. While she had me hostage on the main floor she started going over her new ideas for the layout and design of the main floor and dining area of the Leaky Cauldron's bar.

Her ideas weren't bad, but they would take time and money to implement, and despite how much he seems to think that he still can hold out, Tom is eventually going to succumb to her.

Its late by the time my shift is finally over and my head is throbbing, and my legs and feet are sore from standing near all day long. Muscles in my body are corded and tense, and all I can do is think about the meal that Mum is going to have for me back home. Sure, that means that I will more than likely run into Ron, but hopefully he's had some time to cool down since then. I hang my apron on my hook in the employee room and stretch my back, before heading out back into the small space that doubles as a gate to Diagon Alley.

Its dark out, and I lament sadly that I can't see the stars when I look up. From all the months that we were camping and then living back at home in the country, the stars have become a comfort, and I'm not sure if I could ever feel at ease at night without them again.

I take in a deep breath of air take in the acrid scent of smoke and garbage. Life goes on. There's no way to get it to freeze, no matter how much you like it. A rustle comes from the shadows of the building and my wand is raised and aimed in the direction before my brain even really catches on.

"I look at them too. I don't think that I could go to sleep now without seeing them. If I really slept that is…" A voice comes from the shadows before a figure follows it. Breath catches in my chest as I stare at the figure of one of my best friends, that I was just starting to think that I wouldn't see again.

"Harry…" I say so softly that it almost doesn't leave my lips at all. Harry's hair has grown longer than it ever has before and his green eyes are dull, but he at least has a half-hearted smile on his face.

"Hey Jamie… can we talk?"


	5. Future Black as Night

Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is J.K. Rowling's except Jamie, Luka, and Ariana.

A/N: I'd like to thank my beta Kaitlin for reading over this work for me. She does it all and I still forget to mention her. I'm sorry!

* * *

Chapter 05- Future Black as Night

"This brings back memories."

The tent is almost exactly as we had left it right up until the final battle. Even the beds that Hermione, Ron, and I were sleeping in were still unmade. The only change though was that it was not nearly as clean as when all of us were living in it, and I can see that Harry has taken to throwing his clothes around lately.

Then again if I were living alone out in the woods moving around unseen every few days I guess that wouldn't be on my mind either. Harry stands near the entrance of the tent, leaning against one of the poles with his hands shoved deep down into his jeans' pockets.

"Sometimes I have a hard time telling whether or not they were all good or all bad. They bleed into each other and change the past." Harry says finally. I nod my head and spin back around to take in the tent again.

"It is rather hard to remember that there were some good times hidden in all of the chaos and misery." I hum back, before finally taking up a perch on one of the stools that had been dragged out from the kitchen area. Harry hasn't taken his eyes off me since I agreed to come with him back at the Leaky Cauldron, having just given the boy one of the biggest hugs that I could manage.

"You haven't asked yet." He says abruptly.

"Haven't asked what?" I reply, unblinkingly.

"Why I've been gone! Why I stormed off, and you haven't heard from me in ages." Harry says tearing his hands out of his pockets and throwing them in the air. I bite my lip and sigh.

"I didn't think that you'd want to be found quite honestly." I say softly, and I watch as Harry winces.

"I didn't… not for a while. Everything was just too much. I'd always been the Boy Who Lived, but now… now I'm so much more. Everyone sees me on sight, and the whispers, they're back tenfold!" Harry cries, and I am brought back to the small eleven-year-old boy who was so quick to become one of my first official friends on the first night at Hogwarts.

"Tell me about it. Do you not think that people don't look at me differently as well? I am the true Pendragon heir, I can wield Excalibur, hell I did wield it. I took lives with it. People know, people saw, and people talk. There's no hiding from this reality." I say closing my eyes and clenching my hands into fists.

"Sometimes it's easy to forget that I'm not the only one thrust into the spotlight." Harry murmurs softly. I cast him a weak smile.

"I don't know how Ron and Hermione are handling it. They always used to be known through one of us, but now they have their own fame and notoriety. They're heroes, rightfully so." I wonder opening my eyes again to look at Harry.

A look flashes in his eyes and I track his gaze over to the low table that's covered in newspapers and paper. I get up and pick up one of the first sheets I find and stop when I recognize the hand that wrote it.

"So, you and Hermione have been keeping in touch." I state. So even though Harry had seemingly cut himself off from the world, he still had someone to rely on, to lean on.

"She didn't exactly take no for an answer. She's the smartest of all of us. She hunted me down, and honestly… I needed the company." Harry says casually and makes his way over to one of the threadbare couches and lowers himself down onto it.

I drop the letter back onto the table and return to my stool. Part of me feels like I should be offended that he only preferred to talk to Hermione after disappearing on me, but I don't have it in me to be offended anymore. The state I've been in, I probably wouldn't have been much help for him in the first place.

"I'm glad you have her. Good that she has you too. Apparently, she hasn't been writing Ron much. He about near bit off my head today at work." I grouse remembering the temper that my brother has a hard time keeping in check.

"Well, I can't say much for the Ron part, but she's had a hell of a time fixing everything with her parents. I think… I think it was easier to talk with someone who would get it, who didn't have parents of their own at the time." Harry says looking off into the distance.

I bite my lip again. Sometimes it still feels funny to me even though I was adopted about three years ago, that I actually have parents now. I guess that there is still something in me that feels like it can identify with the plight of orphans everywhere, because for many years, that's exactly what my brother and I where. What Harry still is.

"What made you come tonight? How did you even know where I would be?" I ask needing to change the topic rather desperately. Harry blinks at me, and a slow smile comes to his face.

"Well, I knew there was no way that Molly was going to get to back to school without a bloody incident, and you weren't home. Plus, it didn't hurt that she still wrote to Hermione updates on what was going on around there. She was definitely impressed that you got yourself a job." Harry explains sounding rather satisfied with his detecting skills.

"Still using Hermione to this day." I sigh, pleased to know that some things will never change.

"Like you wouldn't do the same!" Harry laughs, but it fades fast, the spark in his eye doused quickly. "I wanted to talk to you. I think that you'll understand this feeling the most. Not that Hermione can't but, I think you'll be able to get it."

A lump forms in my throat at the seriousness in Harry's voice. I'm not sure that I'm going to like the conversation that is going to come one bit. Harry looks down at his hands, and I can see that they are trembling slightly. He clenches them, and I can see the words scarred into his hand from our time with Umbridge. The past wasn't all good, not at all.

"I know he was bad. He was everything that I hated, and he was going to take everything away from us, our world our families… but… to kill him…" Harry chokes on the last statement.

I suck in a breath of air knowing that this is something that must have been sitting on his shoulders for a long time. I know that the weight of what I've done, the lives I've taken and ended haven't left mine at all.

"It was necessary." Harry says with a finality that can only come from much thought and analyzation.

"Agreed, but it doesn't make the pain any less. You cast a disarming spell, which backfired the killing curse to— Riddle. You didn't cast the curse yourself, but it still feels like it. I sometimes wish that I could have used a wand and magic instead of the blade. The Righteous Fury demanded that it be used and take down those in its path. I had never wielded a sword before, but it felt like another part of me, something that was missing. Should someone ever feel an ounce of good from doing something so vile?" I ask, getting caught up in the dark thoughts floating around me.

The canvas walls of the tent feel like they're closing in around me again. I'm entertaining the dark part of my mind again. If I've learned anything from this experience that I can't let it consume me and take over everything. I'm getting better, I have a job, a girlfriend, a family, and I'm not dead. I didn't die that day at the battle. I made it through, even though some days it feels like I never truly left.

"I don't think this is healthy Harry. Hiding out here, consumed in nothing but the thoughts and memories of what happened. I know that we have to confront it at some point, but… there also has to be something to live for. I know it's hard right now, it still is for me, but I believe that we can get through it." I tell him, actually believing my own words of healing for once.

Harry's gaze hasn't left my face, but I'm not sure if he's heard anything that I've said.

"I love you Harry, and I will always be here for you, but I think that I have to go now. I have to get home, and remind myself that things can get better, that they will. I also think that I need to write a letter to my girlfriend and let her know how I'm feeling. She cares about that, always worried about my moods. I want to try and help you Harry, but only if you're ready for the help." I say getting to my feet and making my way over to him.

I lean down and wrap my arms around him gently and smile softly when he returns the embrace. I pull back enough, to brush a soft kiss against his cheek. "If it makes any difference, I have complete faith in you boy wonder. Get some sleep you hear me."

With that I turn around and exit the tent taking in the cool and slightly damp evening air of the woods around us. My heart aches for many different reasons, its own wounds that still slowly bleed, the boy inside the tent who has carried the world on his shoulders, and the still lost souls trying to pick themselves back up. Taking a breath of air, I turn on the spot and the world gets tugged away into darkness, but this time it doesn't seem as black as before.

* * *

My first thought when I appear at the back door of the Burrow is that Mum is probably going to kill me. It's been at least two hours since I was supposed to be home, and I wouldn't be surprised if she contacted the Aurors to go looking for me. The day is beginning to weigh heavily on me. I wasn't expecting to talk to Harry today, I wasn't prepared to rip open some of those wounds anew.

I open up the back door hesitantly and step into the kitchen. There is only a solitary light on and I can smell some stew still simmering on the stovetop, and my stomach growls. I make my way over to the pot seeing that there is a bowl sitting next to it waiting for me. If my mind was actually working, I would be able to sense that this was a trap waiting to happen.

I ladle out some of the thick broth and release a soft moan at the smell of it. "You wouldn't be so starving if you actually came home on time." An irritated voice comes from around the corner and the lights are flicked on, dazzling me for a second.

Mum has her arms crossed over her chest and a disapproving frown on her face. I look around for Dad but I can't see him anywhere. "Your father is still at work. They're having him work overtime since that incident with the muggles and the mass distribution of magical traps sold to them."

I nod my head and bring my bowl over to the kitchen table where I lower myself down onto a chair. "I suppose this is where I have to guess where you've been? I raised Fred and George Jamie, I can play any game you can throw at me and win." Mum says pulling out the chair across from me.

I blink at her for a second before swallowing the spoonful of food already in my mouth. The house is too quiet for it only being nine in the evening. The others must smell that there's blood in the water, and that the safest bet would be to hide. Four almost full-grown children and they're still terrified of their mother.

I guess that anyone would be if they had our mother.

"I'm not trying to make you guess. Jus' tired is all. I didn't expect to be out so late." I tell her, trying to figure out whether I should mention my run in with Harry or not. I know that he's not ready to talk to the rest of us, but I know that everyone is still just as worried about him.

"What kept you then? Were you meeting someone? You didn't tell me that you and Ariana had a date tonight. You could have at least said something so that I wouldn't be worried." Mum shoots off before I can make up my mind.

"Ariana is busy tonight. She wants to spend some time with Professor McGonagall before she's going to be away at Hogwarts full time." I say taking another bite of the stew to satisfy my still present hunger. "I ran into Harry."

There is silence in the kitchen for a few moments, and all that is heard is the scraping of my spoon against the bowl.

"You spoke to Harry." Mum says faintly the color escaping from her face. I nod my head once and take another bite of food. I'm not sure that she's forgiven herself quite yet for allowing him to disappear without a trace. He's the eighth son that she can't forget. "Did he look okay? Has he been eating? Where in the world has that boy been? Merlin…"

"I guess he's been eating. He didn't look too thin or nothing. His hair is longer and the tent is a mess, but besides that I think he's doing okay. Supposedly he and Hermione have been keeping each other company recently. Makes sense…" I trail off absently scraping my spoon against the bottom of the bowl.

"Good… good. It's not right for him to be out there all on his own. He has to be back here with the people who care about him. His family." She says nodding her head firmly.

"Sometimes I think that people just need their space Mum. He knows that we're here for him, just like he'd be there for us. We can wait." I say finally getting up from the table and putting my bowl in the sink so that it can be washed. I've been lucky so far that she hasn't gone off on me, so I'm not going to start now. I watch her out of the corner of my eye as she turns the stove off and puts another bowl beside it for Dad later.

"Sometimes people don't know when it's been long enough, and they need to start relying on people again." Mum says before pacing away into the living room. I blink, not exactly sure how I got off the hook that easily, but I'm not going to waste the opportunity.

I hurry up the stairs to my room stopping on the landing outside of my room and pause there for a moment. Everything still feels off. The atmosphere of the house isn't what it used to be like. There isn't the tension of war in the air, but there is unease still present all the same.

With a sigh I push open the door to my room and blink seeing my brother sitting at our desk in his striped green pajamas and his hair a little rumpled. Ginny is lounging on her bed in a pair of mesh shorts and one of her prized Holyhead Harpies shirts. "Well I didn't know I was interrupting the party." I state closing the door behind me.

"No party really." Ginny drawls blowing a piece of her long red hair out of her face.

"More like I was seeking refuge. Ron is on a warpath up in our room. He wasn't too pleased to my presence something about me taking my sister's side. I had no clue what he was even talking about." Luka says

"Ron and I had a… honestly I'm not even sure what it really was at lunch. I think he's upset because Hermione hasn't been around recently or responding to his owls." I say shrugging off my coat and hanging it on one of the two hooks on the wall, while kicking my shoes off near a pair of Ginny's.

"Ah so all's not so well in the love department these days. Well I guess that I'm not the only one who's been having communication issues." Ginny mutters. Luka gives a hum in agreement. "What are you humming at lover boy. I've noticed a continuous stream of owls from France around here."

Luka rolls his eyes at that and adjusts his glasses a little. "We communicate yes, but it's hard not being able to see her. Neither of you know what it's like to like someone yet have only seem them in person for a short time." Luka moans looking out the window into the dark night.

"At least you can talk to them. Harry has been avoiding me and all human contact for weeks now. Not to mention that he barely talked to me before he disappeared." Ginny grumbles throwing a hand over her eyes. I step into the closet so that I can change into my pajamas.

"Well things are not easy no matter what stage your relationship is in. Ariana and I are together a lot, yet I haven't been able to talk with her about… well what happened. Anything about that actually." I volunteer, feeling the need to contribute something to the conversation being had. Silence envelopes the room and as soon as my shirt is pulled down over my head I poke my head out from behind the door and see both my siblings faces focused on me.

"You don't bring up before the war often." Luka says finally.

"You mean never." Ginny butts in. I can tell that they're both focused in on this new turn, and I swallow nervously and curse my tired mind for going onto this topic in the first place.

"S'not something that I'd like to focus on in the first place… there were a lot of things that I'm pretty sure that we'd all like to forget." I say nervously tugging on the bottom of my shirt, wishing fervently that Ariana was here. She'd know how to navigate this situation. Heck I wouldn't be in this situation in the first place if she was at my side, that part of my brain would have been silent.

"You do know that you can tell us, right?" Luka says. "We can handle it." I glance between my twin and my sister and see the solemn surety in their eyes. The horrors still locked away press against the mental barrier that I had set up against them.

"I know. It's just… some of these things, they aren't mine to tell alone. Some of them are things that you won't be able to un hear later on, and I don't want either of you to look at me differently after everything is said and done." I say stepping out of the closet and closing the door firmly behind me.

"We would never think of you differently." Ginny denies vehemently.

"You saw what I did during the war. I took care of Augustus. Do you think differently of me?" Luka demands, and I can hear a slight shake to his voice. Truthfully my view of everyone changed that day. I had already thought so highly of everyone to begin with, that when I saw all that they gave, and everything that they sacrificed, my respect only went up higher for them.

"I know. And you are the same person you were before only you demonstrated the strength and will that you have inside of you. You all made a choice, some of the things that happened to me… they weren't my choice." I admit leaving it at that before climbing up onto my bunk and pulling the covers up to my chin and turning towards the wall.

I can hear the whispers coming from the two of them, before there is a creak of the desk chair and the sound of Luka making for the door. "We will get through this Jamie. Whether you chose what happened to you or not Jame, you're still the same girl from before, but just a hell of a lot stronger for coming through the other side. Night girls." With that Luka is gone.

Silence reigns in our rooms for a few minutes before a sigh comes from the bed below me. "He's right you know. And you know how much I hate admitting that any of our brothers are right." Ginny says. I smirk slightly imagining the disgruntled look on her face.

"I'm going to be up a while longer. I need to write a letter to Luna about school. I'll just use the desk lamp. Rest well Jame. I'll still be here." With that the light flicks off and a soft glow replaces it by the foot of our bunks. The soft promise is there from my sister, no matter what may happen in the night she is still there for me. The only disquiet that follows me into the shallow realm of sleep is the worry about what is going to happen once she is back at school.

* * *

Come Wednesday evening Harry is waiting for me after work again. This time I was almost expecting him. I had hoped that he would reach out again after the first time. I know that after a while you really need to reach out to someone and talk. I know that he has Hermione, but I'd like to think that Harry is ready to come back to the world at least to the extent of being around all of us again.

I greet him with a hug again like last time, mostly just to reassure myself that he's actually still there. When you go a year living with the same three people every day its odd not to have them around you all the time. Part of me is terrified to see how we are going to handle this coming year with Hermione being at Hogwarts and the rest of us out in the world but separated doing our own things.

I guess that's part of growing up, but haven't the four of us grown up enough in these last seven almost eight years now? Harry has taken me back to where his tent is again and I can see that this time it's in a new place. Harry gives me an expectant look when we reach the opening of the tent.

"What?" I ask him quirking an eyebrow at him. A small smile quirks across his lips before he pulls back the flap and gestures me inside. It takes a second for my eyes to adjust to the darker interior, but my eyes fall upon a sight for sore eyes.

"Mione!" I cry, launching myself forward onto the girl. A laugh escapes the girl as she embraces me back.

"It's good to see you too Jamie." Hermione says hugging me back just as tightly. Her skin is tanned again, and I can only assume that it's from all the time in Australia tracking down her parents.

"You look good." I say honestly meaning it. I don't know if the same can be said for me honestly, but at least life seems to be flowing back into one of us. Hermione chuckles and shakes her head at me before disappearing into the kitchen of the tent.

"I asked how many Australian beaches she went to and I got a punch in the arm for my troubles." Harry tells me passing me by on his way to the kitchen himself. I follow behind him in time to see Hermione take a kettle off of the stove and Harry take out teacups from a cupboard.

The scene is so domestic and just… normal that I can't help but smile. Maybe there is hope for us. Maybe things can go back to normal. Hermione flicks her wand and the kettle pours tea into the cups and then fly over to the table setting themselves in front of the chairs.

"I thought that some tea would be nice with this conversation." Hermione says simply before taking her seat. I sit down on her left with Harry on her right. I groan as finally my feet get a break from standing.

"Well that sounded rather pained." Hermione says raising an eyebrow at me.

"Jamie's gone and got herself a job. She's a waitress at the Leaky Cauldron." Harry says taking a sip of his tea. Hermione turns to me with a slightly shocked look.

"You got a job." She repeats looking at me with a slightly unreadable look.

"Well I kinda had to. Mum was going to throw Ron and me bodily back on the train to Hogwarts if we didn't show some inkling of having a plan for ourselves. She wanted to do the same with Harry, but well he's not her kid and he has a tent that he can disappear to. So, we went out and got jobs. I work six days a week with a day off." I say with a shrug.

"Ron has a job too?" Harry asks a sly smile on his face. I turn from him to see that Hermione's cheeks are a little pink, and I can guess that he's asking for she's the one that really wants to know the answer to that question.

"Yeah, he got hired on by old Flourean. He scoops out ice cream now. I don't think he's really happy in his job but at least he got one." I say shrugging my shoulders. I take a sip of tea and watch as my friends smile warmly.

"Why didn't you guys go and work for the twins?" Hermione asks. I snort, and the pair give me a look.

"Mum forbid them from even entertaining the idea of hiring us. She thought that they'd go easy on us since we're family and that we wouldn't really be pushed as hard as we would if we had real jobs. I just think that she doesn't want us getting any more ideas being around them 24/7 again." I muse.

"So how have you been Hermione. It's been a while since I've heard from you." I say changing the subject before another question can be directed at me. As much as I'm sure that they want to know how I'm doing, I'm more worried for them at this point.

"Well it took a while to track down my parents. You would be surprised how many Grangers there are down in Australia. I think… I believe that the worst part of the whole thing was seeing how happy they were living their lives without me in it. They didn't have a daughter who was a witch. They didn't have worries about magical wars and people who look down upon them." Hermione says a faraway look in her eye.

"Part of me wondered if I was doing more harm than good by returning their memories of me to them." Hermione states.

"I'm sure that they'd rather have you their daughter back than any happiness that they might have had when they didn't know that they had you." I tell her placing my hand gently on hers and squeezing. Hermione's lip wobbles a bit before she sucks in a breath and nods her head.

"Eventually my heart won out and I repaired their memories. They were so confused as to why they weren't home in England, and why they were in Australia having no memory of me being with them. I had to come clean to them about what happened. They were furious with me for keeping it from them… but in the end they understood. They didn't like it but they got it. Right now, they're working on getting a new house back here in England." Hermione finishes.

"I guess Australia didn't suit them then." Harry says.

"No, they actually love it there. I'm pretty sure that when they retire they plan on moving back, but right now they want to be closer to me. I can already tell that it's going to be hard on them when I'm back at school soon." Hermione hums.

I nod my head tightening my grip on my cup a little.

"I still don't see how you can stand going back." Harry comments after a pause. Hermione and I both look at him. I can see in his eyes the same look that I'm sure that I have when I'm remembering the horrors that took place on those grounds and in those halls. A sanctuary it is not anymore.

"I hate everything that happened there, but I can't let that keep me from moving on with my life, and the first step of that is to go back and actually graduate. I'm sure that it's going to be hard, but I need to prove to myself that I can actually do it in order to see that I can in fact survive." Hermione says so passionately that something aches inside my chest.

I glance at Harry and I can tell from the look on his face that something in what she's said has moved him as well.

"T-that's part of why I got a job. I wanted— no I needed to know that I could still function somehow in society. I do… okay when I'm stowed away with just my family but… people are hard. Especially people who don't understand." I say. Hermione nods her head in understanding, and I watch as Harry swallows hard.

"How could they understand? I'm not sure I'd want them to understand." Harry says staring down into his cup, and I wonder for a moment if he's thinking of Professor Trelawney and the Grim. "It just sucks though that we have to be the ones to have to understand and deal with all of this."

And that's it. The unfairness of this all is the hardest bit to swallow. Sure, everyone has suffered, but I'm not sure if there are others who have suffered quite as much or in the same way that we have, thus making us some of the unlucky isolated few.

"Life isn't fair, but at least we're still here." Hermione says finally. For some reason that bittersweet comment is enough to make me smile.

"I think that I can toast to that." I say raising my teacup in salute and Harry and Hermione follow my lead. The clinking of our cups is almost like music to my ears. Finally, we're beginning to get on the same page again, and maybe the book that we're in isn't over. Sure, some of the pages are ripped and damaged, but you can still make out the words all the same.

I glance down at my watch and look at the time. It's getting late again and I should be getting back home soon. "I should probably get going. I may be an adult and hold down a job, but I still live at home, and Mum will filet me if I'm out any later. I think that her nerves are still fried since the war." I say downing the last of my tea and regretfully get up from the table.

Hermione and Harry stand up with me to. "I'll definitely see you two at the platform yeah?" I confirm, needing to know whether or not I'm going to see them again before the scarlet engine makes its journey back to Hogwarts for the first time since the end of the war.

"Definitely." Hermione says answering for what I hope is both of them. I glance at Harry and he nods his head at me. Some of the tension relaxes from my body at that. "I'll walk you out."

Once outside the tent Hermione turns to me in the dark and lights her wand wordlessly so that she can see me. By the look on her face, I can see that there's something that she wants to ask me in private.

"What's up?" I ask shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket attempting to keep the faint chill away from them.

"It's about Ron. You don't think… that it was all too sudden?" Hermione says and I am confused for a moment.

"Sudden?" I question.

"Us. Together I mean." I can barely make out the fact that her cheeks are lighting up with embarrassment for asking me such a thing.

"Do I think it was too sudden you two getting together?" she nods. "Mione, take it from the girl who had to almost die to realize that she loved the girl who had always been by her side since she was a kid. There is nothing sudden about being with the person that you like… or love. Even if that realization happens when there's war and you're in the middle of the bloody warzone. If you like Ron be with him, worry about the rest of it, when the time comes." I say reaching out and giving her not occupied hand a squeeze.

It's silent for a moment before Hermione lets out a long breath of air.

"Thanks Jamie… I-I think that I needed to hear that." She says. I let a grin slip onto my face at that.

"Good, for Ron's a downright beast when you guys aren't on speaking terms." Hermione gives me a scandalized look before a quick hug, and I'm off twisting into the blackness to go back to my house and hopefully my bed for a decent night of sleep. I don't feel as weighed down as I usually do.

* * *

Thursday evening finds me at a bar. Not my bar, but another bar that holds a lot of memories in it fond or otherwise as I wait for my girlfriend to join me. We haven't been able to see much of each other since the day that she defended me from Inquisitor Ford, and I have been sorely missing her company. Hopefully tonight will be a time for us to relax a little and finally reconnect, before seeing Ginny and Hermione off to Hogwarts tomorrow.

There are a few other patrons milling about that will steal a couple glances at me but none do more than that. It's probably because of the seething glare that the barkeep gives them if their eyes linger for longer than necessary. I fiddle with the butterbeer that's on the table in front of me, watching the bottom of the glass disturb the condensation in its wake.

I don't have to glance at my watch to know that she's late. I don't hold it against her though since things have not calmed back down yet. No one is relaxing with the World Wizarding Council still occupying England trying to figure out what exactly is going on here.

It doesn't help that being here has me slightly on edge. Though this wasn't really a place of bad memories, being this close is still a little off putting.

"Sorry I'm late. I got held up at the office because of Jenkins and his inability to file any paperwork properly." Ariana says placing a quick peck on my cheek before sliding into the booth across from me. I can't help but smile at the sight of her, even when her blond hair is somewhat escaping the bun that she's wearing today.

"No problem. I was just sitting here with my butterbeer and honestly… trying to calm my nerves." I admit, unable to keep myself from hiding anything from my girlfriend. A knowing look comes across Ariana's face and she nods her head solemnly.

"I must say, I was rather surprised when you chose the Three Broomsticks as the place for us to meet up tonight." There is much left unsaid with that statement.

"You mean that you thought that there was no bloody way that I would be caught within three towns of Hogwarts or Hogsmeade correct?" I ask with a somewhat wry smile on my face. Pink rises on her cheeks, and I have to fight the urge to tell her how cute she is that she still gets embarrassed about such things.

"Well… yes."

We sit in silence for a few seconds as I take another sip of my butterbeer and Ariana's is delivered by the barkeep.

"I will admit that it was hard to get up the nerve to come here tonight. I almost talked myself out of it multiple times." I say tapping the glass, the nervous energy in me not burning off at all.

"You didn't have to come here. I honestly would have been more than happy hanging out at the Burrow with you." Ariana says. It's the sincerity in her voice that gets me every time. She doesn't care that I am practically a recovering shut in. She just wants to spend time with me and that's it.

"No. I-I want to get better. I want to feel more at ease being out in the world. I want to be able to take you out on dates and be able to sit at a table in the middle of the room instead of wait for one near a wall or a booth. I want to be able to hold proper conversation with others, and I want to be fine with being able to tell you what happened." I burst out, realizing that I had gotten a little bit loud there at the end.

I can feel people's stares, but Ariana reaches out and puts her hand on top of mine, and squeezes. I meet her gaze and see nothing but concern in her warm brown eyes.

"I know Jamie, but that doesn't mean that you have to push yourself either." She says seriously. I let out a shaky breath and nod my head. I close my eyes for a second relishing the touch of her hand against mine.

"I… I'm beginning to feel better. I-I wanted to come here tonight because I wanted to look at… at the castle. I want to see it again one last time before I say goodbye to it for however long it may be. I-I don't think that I can go onto the grounds, but at least I can look at it from the distance." I say biting my lower lip.

Ariana stares at me for a long moment, and I shift nervously in my seat, unable to tell what she's thinking about.

"I get it Jame and I'm honored that you wanted me to be here with you for this. I know that this isn't easy, but I'm so incredibly proud of you." With that she brings the hand she is holding up for a kiss. Warmth spreads through my body from my knuckles. I will say it a million times. I don't know what I did to deserve a girl like her.

We spend a few minutes just basking in the time that we have together, catching up on how our days have been since we've last seen each other. Somehow, I had migrated over to her side of the booth and we are sitting pressed up against each other as close as we possibly can.

It's getting late though I know that tomorrow is going to be a big day for both of us since McGonagall is going to be at Hogwarts full time and I have to see my sister and friend off for a year that they will be at school and I won't. It still feels weird to not be buying books and gathering things together in my trunk. It's for the best though. I don't think that there's anything more that Hogwarts has to offer me.

We slowly make our way out of the booth, but before Ariana can pull me to the exit I tug her over to the big fireplace and point at something new hanging on the wall. There is now a giant memorial piece hanging on the wall of the Three Broomsticks commemorating the heroes of the battle and those who fell. There is also a fairly big moving picture of all of the survivors there.

It's hard to believe that I am not part of something that is going to be remembered for generations to come. It's easy to feel insignificant and lost through the whole process.

"It really puts things in perspective doesn't it." Ariana says softly. I nod my head, and softly tug her to the exit. After bidding the barkeep farewell we step out into the brisk night and head up the street hand in hand to the highest point so that we have the best view of the castle in the near distance.

"Maybe one day our kids will see that plaque." I murmur. I thought that it was too soft for Ariana to hear, but her grip on my hand tightens and she pulls me closer to her. We finally come to a stop at the top of the street and I focus my gaze on the lightly lit up castle in the distance.

From the distance it looks magical like most of the memories that I still have of the place, but blood tinted images press at the corners of my mind, and I have to close my eyes against them.

"Jamie?" Ariana is so close to me and I can feel her warm breath against the shell of my ear.

I open my eyes and turn to look at her. Time feels frozen for a long moment as we just stand there staring at each other taking the moment in. I let out a breath of air and realize for the first time in a long time that nothing aches inside of me. I don't feel perfect but… I definitely feel a lot better.

"I feel… better. I feel like I can actually breathe again…" I don't know how to explain it better, but she gets it like she always magically does. I'm staggered back by the force in which my girlfriend throws herself at me, and I can feel her warm tears on the side of my neck as my frame shakes with her laughter as well.

Life is messy and cathartic and nothing is as picture perfect as story books would lead you to imagine.


End file.
